"Due to Inactivity, Your Blessings Have Been Suspended"

***(This post was started around October)***
The last couple of months, I have not only been inactive on this blog, I have also been less-active in the Church. I've never really been that great at reading the scriptures everyday or saying prayers twice a day, before meals, and as needed. I could make excuses, but I don't find them to be good enough. Sometimes, I just get lazy, and I choose to do silly things over spiritual things. But I didn't think that I was being less-active; I just thought I wasn't being proactive enough.
And then I was asked to be an ordinance worker at the temple. It came as a huge surprise to me. Not only was I willing to do it; I was excited, and honored to do it. But during my interview with the temple presidency, I got the impression that I would only be able to be an ordinance worker if I went in for the Saturday evening shift. And I happily agreed to this. My boss, on the other hand, was none too pleased because I already had Sundays off for church. We comprised, and I started coming in to work either before the three hour block, or after; and I would get Saturdays off. So, I began to work at the temple in mid-September.
I enjoy working at the temple more than I expected to. It has brought so much happiness and peace into my life, as well as greater understanding of the sacred ordinances performed in the temple. I've learned so much more from reading and studying the ordinance material than I have going to the temple as a patron. And I've met really great, loving, incredibly kind, and genuinely interesting people. I've learned so much from them!
But as great as Saturdays have been, my Sundays have been somewhat less that spectacular. I actually enjoy my job, and I especially enjoy my coworkers. All around, I'm pretty happy there. But I almost always end up staying at work later than I'm scheduled, which I usually don't mind, but I do mind on Sundays because it either prevents me from going to going to church, or it makes me extremely late.
So, I've pretty much missed church because I've been working at the temple. It's a strange feeling, to say the least.

***(Finally continuing this post, in January...)***

Since I began writing this post, a lot has happened. For starters, I switched from a Saturday shift at the temple to a Thursday night shift. I didn't really feel comfortable being an ordinance worker knowing I wasn't consistently going to church. And I also got called to be a Relief Society teacher. So, I really needed to be at church. I went back to having Sundays off at work, and I began working at the temple Thursday nights.
At first, I was a little bummed about leaving the Saturday night shift because most of the workers on that shift are near my age, and most of the workers on the Thursday night shifts are a lot older; I was worried that I would feel a little out of place. But I took a liking to those cute, little, old ladies! They are so sweet, and I love hearing their stories! I'm quite happy that I am on the Thursday night shift now.

But even with me working at the temple, and even though I feel worthy to do that, and worthy to enter the temple in the first place; at times, I still feel like I'm not active enough in the gospel.
A member of the L.A. Temple presidency said something to us a while back that I think about quite often. He mentioned that the correct way to be baptized is the way the Savior, Himself, was baptized; by full immersion. Every part of His body went under the water, and when we are baptized, every part of our bodies must also go under the water. Like Him, we must also be fully immersed. If we aren't fully immersed in the water during our baptism, it has to be done again. He then asked us if we were fully immersed in the gospel. And that really struck a chord with me.

It really made me question myself and my spiritual progress. Do my daily habits include enough prayers, or scripture studies? Are the things I watch or listen to good things, or do they drive away the Spirit? Would I be embarrassed or ashamed to be seen watching/listening to that particular thing if my Bishop was there? If my Savior was there? Similarly, are the words I use something to be proud of or something to ashamed of?

Lately, I've been feeling like life has been a little harder on me. And I believe it has every thing to do with the fact that I haven't been fully immersed in the gospel. I've been inactive in certain aspects of the spiritual things in my life; and I have felt the consequences of that. 

This reminded me of previous time in my life where the cable bill, or the cell phone bill wasn't paid on time, and you would either see a little window on your TV screen, or hear a message when you tried to make a phone call that told you that your account had been temporarily suspended because you failed to pay your bill on time.  

I felt that I was experiencing this with blessings from God. I felt like, because I had failed to do all the things I was supposed to be doing, I wasn't experiencing the usual blessings I had grown accustomed to. And I didn't really feel surprised because I felt I had brought it onto myself. I recognized that if I didn't make corrections in my life, I would continue having a difficult life. That is not to say that I wouldn't still have difficulties, but I know if I tried to do the right things, then I would be blessed for it. I know that with a little faith, and a little action on my part, my life would feel a lot better.

 And as I have tried to be more active in spiritual things, I have already seen some blessings restored. 

We Ain't "One and Done"

It's pretty common knowledge amongst the general Christian community that when you are baptized, all your mistakes, all your sins, all your transgressions, all your emotional baggage is washed away. And, of course, that is only possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. There is no other way to be made spiritually clean and pure again.
So, what happens if you mess up again after you've already been baptized? Is someone going to come and tell you that you blew your one chance? Is someone going to tell you that that was is it? That you're done now? But if you can't be baptized every time you get yourself "dirty," how can you be ever made clean again?
And the answer to that is the sacrament. Taking the sacrament is like virtually being baptized again. It's like being made clean all over again.

You don't realize what a blessing that is until you've hit a really low point again. 

Before I met the missionaries, I was pretty much at rock bottom; I was so lost and confused. They taught me about God's plan for us, God's plan for me. And they taught me more about what the Savior , and what He did for me. And when I was baptized, I felt a certain peace, a big weight lifted off my shoulders. It felt like a return of innocence that I lost a long, long time ago. 

Since my baptism, I have in no way been perfect. I have fallen short every week in one way or another. But most of my "sins" have been minor compared to what I was guilty of before my baptism. And I guess I believed they were pretty easy to get rid of. And then there were times where I didn't think I'd ever be able to be clean again. But through real and sorrowful repentance, by taking the sacrament, and committing to be better than I was the week the before, I was able to feel renewed again, to feel refreshed. I don't know how I used to deal with guilt before. I don't know how I used to let go of my mistakes before I learned how to really apply the Atonement. 

I'm just really grateful for the sacrament. I don't think I would have the courage, the will, to continue going to church if I had to continue to live with the mistakes I've made since I was baptized. I can't imagine how hard that would be. But I'm glad that I don't actually have to live with it, thanks to the Saviour.

Alma 24:30

"And this we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of this pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things."

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been struggling a lot with doing the things I know I should be doing. I feel like I'm not only failing in Scripture studies and personal prayers; I feel like I'm failing in other areas as well. I feel like I'm struggling with reverence. I feel like I'm struggling with Sabbath Day observance. I feel like I'm not making the best choices.
With these challenges, and the consequential reduction of prayers and scripture study on my behalf, I feel like more questions have arisen. I feel like I'm questioning things I once felt sure about. And the timing of this could not be any worse.
I've started working on my mission papers, and because of all these struggles I'm having, I feel like I'm doubting whether I can be an effective missionary. I'm questioning whether I can do this. Part of me thinks that this is exactly what the adversary would have me believe. He wants me to feel like a failure.
And I guess that's why that verse spoke to me today. If I allow the adversary to creep in, if I allow him to lead me away, I can expect to have a harder life than the one I had before I was a member. I can expect to face to worse from my Heavenly Father. He is more forgiving to those who have transgressed without knowledge of His full gospel than He is to those who knew it and have forsaken it. I don't want to be one of those people is slow to remember their Father. I don't want to become one of those people who slips away. I know I need to make some changes in my life; and that starts by putting Him first AGAIN. Somewhere along the lines I let Him go from my first priority to another number on my list. And that has got to change.
It's been said by some that if you aren't progressing, then you are retrogressing. This whole experience has taught me that that is true.
But you know what else I've learned? Experiences like this may be a test of faith, but these are the types of experiences that bring you closer to the Father and the Savior. I wouldn't have joined the Church without an experience like this because that experience humbled me. I didn't think I needed religion until I had nothing else to fall back on but what little faith I had. While these experiences are challenging in the moment, the weight of the load can be made lighter through Jesus Christ. And, my goodness, I'm truly grateful for that!

On Personal Progress

So the YSA Sisternaries recently asked me to start working  on the Young Womens Personal Progress program.
I honestly didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, when my sister told me her family ward was making her do that, I felt like I dodged a bullet by joining the Church as an adult because that meant I would get to skip out on all that extra work.
On the other hand, since joining, I've wondered how different my teen years might have been had I grown up with "For the Strength of Youth" and the other youth programs. So, part of me was annoyed because now I would have all this extra stuff to do, and I'm a little old to be toting around a Personal Progress notebook. Actually, when I went to the YSA temple baptism night, and I pulled it out to read and get started on one of the projects, people were giving me funny looks as if I am this sort of loser who is well past 18, and who still hasn't finished it. I felt like I flunked a grade, and every one knew it.
But, to their credit, once I told them I was a convert, and that my missionaries asked me to work on it, they changed their demeanor, and were eager to answer any questions I had.
Anyway, the sisters asked me to work on it, and to pick a value based on which attribute I scored lowest on in Preach My Gospel. So, I ended up picking Choice and Accountability. And it has been a real challenge. Even before they asked me to work on this, I have been struggling with making my scripture study and personal prayers a priority. I'm not really sure where I started slipping because I used to read the scriptures daily, and praying, well, I've never really been good at that, but I did it at least once a day. And now, I'm ashamed to say it's once every other day or so.
And I can feel that as I slip in these areas, I'm starting to feel less and less worthy to pray. And it makes it that much harder to do it. I know that this is the adversary at work, that he would have me believe that I am not worthy to pray, that I don't have time to pray, that I'm too tired to pray, etc., and praying is something that has always been difficult for me, and he's trying, and succeeding at making it harder for me.
The other day I reread my patriarchal blessing, and it says for me to make prayer a priority, to read the scriptures often, and to read the words of the modern prophets and leaders whenever it's made available. And I remember that at the time that my patriarchal blessing was given, I thought that that stuff was so obvious and that I didn't need to be told about that. But now that I am struggling in those areas, I see why the Lord gave that counsel. How foolish of me to think that I would never stop reading my scriptures, and stop praying. How foolish of me to think that the counsel given to me then wouldn't be useful to me someday. But how grateful am I now to have that counsel now when I really need it!
I know that when the Sisters proposed I take this on, I wasn't too thrilled about it. And it has been really difficult to do Personal Progress on top of every thing else I'm trying to work on. But I am so grateful that they did suggest it. I was struggling with scripture study and personal prayer before and I wasn't sure how to get back in the habit of it. With their help and their guidance, I have found a way. I don't think it's something I'll finish in a timely manner, but I feel like as long as I make a little bit of progress daily, then I'll be alright. :)
Peace out, y'all.

Grateful for Temples and Temple Ordinances

Wow. It's been a while since I've posted anything here. Not to say that nothing has happened, because a lot of exciting stuff has happened since my last post, but I guess between all the writing in my journal, in letters to friends, and in emails to my missionary friends, I neglected my blog. Haha.
So, be prepared, because this is gonna be a long one!

In early March, I was interviewed by my Bishop for a temple recommend on temple grounds. What an incredible experience! I had my eyes shifting between him and the main entrance of the temple, knowing that soon I would get to cross over that sacred threshold. After we had both signed the recommend, he said my countenance had immediately changed, and that both the temple and I were glowing. I could feel it from the inside. I felt overjoyed and full of life in that moment. 

Flash forward a few weeks, and I'm finally being interviewed by my stake president. He had been away for a few weeks on a family vacation. It always amazes me that he knows who I am since I'm a convert and I didn't grow up in the Church. He interviewed me at the church building during our three hour block. Bishop Patron actually came to pull me out of the temple prep class to meet with President Jex. When I went back to class, everyone knew that I had my recommend all ready to go. I was so excited!

Bishop Patton and his wife were going to a wedding in Gilbert, Arizona; they invited me to go with them. They suggested I receive my endowments there, and then witness the sealing of their friend with them. I was all for it! We tried to arrange it with my Sisternaries, Kemp and Olsen, who were both home now from their missions. But it didn't really work out for them, so I told myself, "well, I could still go without them; but it wouldn't be the same." Besides, the ordinance is the same no matter where you go, so, it really didn't matter where I went so long as I had my friends there with me. Being the first member in my family, I knew that this was an experience I would not get to share with my family; so it was important to me that I got to share it with friends. 

Kemp was coming down to California for a week during her spring break anyway, so I thought it would be best to just arrange to go to the temple then. I decided on Friday, the 17th of April because Kemp would be here then; Sister Moore would be at the temple for her departing trip anyway, and I really wanted to see her, too! Olsen said she would make it down for that, and made arrangements, and every thing was good to go! 

Or so I thought! Turns out I would have a midterm on the 17th. I had to push my 9:00am session to the next one at 1:00pm; which meant I wouldn't get to see Sister Moore anymore. And then my professor said that if your last name was "A-J," you would take it from 9:30-10:30; and if your last name was "M-Z," you would take it from 10:30-11:30. I was freaking out because I was supposed to be at the temple at 11:30. But my professor allowed me to take it with the first group. She showed up late, and I was worried it would effect my punctuality. I imagined that if I was late to the temple, that I would have to do it later. I don't know if that's true because I ended up making to the temple by 10:45. I think my midterm went relatively well. I probably rushed through it, but I felt like I knew 90% of the material. 

When I got to the temple, I walked around a bit, and then met up with the Pattons, Kemp, Olsen, and another former SFV return missionary, Cottrell, at the Visitors' Center, and we kind of just killed some time by watching some videos there. 

By 11:15 we all figured we should start walking towards the temple. Kemp and Olsen wanted to take some pictures first. I'm not a fan of being in pictures because I feel like I usually end up looking stupid. Haha especially since my glasses always show a glare. But I indulged them. Haha 

When we went to the temple, all the workers there were super friendly. And they kept saying that it was all about me, and that I was a VIP, and so on; which made me a little uncomfortable because I'm not used to being the center of attention. Hahaha. But it wasn't so bad. Overall, they were just super friendly, so, I figured they probably do that for all own-endowment temple guests. 

Putting on my garments was the greatest feeling ever. I immediately felt the power that they have, and I have never felt so beautiful as I did in that moment. I did my initiatory, and after getting dressed, went to sit with Kemp and Olsen while we waited to hear from the temple matron. I tried to take it all in, and tried to process all that was said and promised to me. It was kind of overwhelming, but in a good way! 

When the three of us started talking, I felt so grateful to have them on either side of me. Here were two young ladies who traveled across a few state lines to be there with me, two young ladies who I admire and look up to, and who helped me to grow from the train wreck of a person I was before. I couldn't help but think that this was the way it was supposed to be. Not to say that it was destiny, because I don't believe in that, but I believe that God has a plan for us. Of course, our agency, our choices, can either get us closer or further away from His plan for us. I believe that me being at the temple with my missionaries was part of His plan for me. 

When we went up to the Creation room, and waited for the rest of the people to join us, I saw Sister Moore for a bit! It was awesome! I mean, I just waved to her from across the room, because she was leaving; so, I didn't really see her, but even that felt like a huge blessing!

When the session started, I felt so grateful that I had read the Book of Moses. It helps to understand so much! The whole time, I felt grateful that a member of the temple presidency allowed both Kemp and Olsen to be my escorts. Hahaha. Not to say that either of them was (or were?) lacking in their escorting abilities, but I had twice the amount of help, and I definitely felt like I needed it. Haha.

Upon crossing the veil, I felt a rejoicing in my heart because I made it into the Celestial room, a place I've been longing to go since that life-changing experience in the Gilbert, Arizona temple. And I saw a bunch of familiar faces standing in a half-circle, waiting for me. And that sight made me so happy, I felt like I could cry. But I didn't. Not a half a second later, I realize I was the center of attention again, and felt uncomfortable again, and I didn't know what to do, so I just said, "hi." And they all softly laughed at me. Haha I guess that's not normal. Everyone kept asking me how I felt, and I didn't even know how to put it into words. It's this incredible, slightly overwhelming, slightly confusing, but a mostly joyous experience. When you're in the temple, you start to realize just how much The Lord loves each and every one of us. I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend that love He has for us in this lifetime, but I know that through continual attendance to the temple, I can understand more, a little bit at a time.

Anyway, a few days later, I felt impressed to check my ancestry.com profile, as it's been a while since the last time I logged on. I had a few hints to review. My grandfather's name came up on a 1930 Mexican Census done in Sinaloa. The other names listed in that household matched the names of his parents. So, I asked my mom if her dad's family had ever lived in Sinaloa, and she said, "no, his family is from Jalisco, Guadalajara." And I was so confused, because as far as I had known, my mom's side of the family is from Durango, and Guadalajara has never been mentioned for my mom's side of the family. So, I was nearly heartbroken about it. I went back to look at the census, and looked at the other names in that household, and asked her if he had any siblings, and she started listing off the same ones that were on the Census. So, I asked again, "are you sure they never lived in Sinaloa?" And she was like, "OHHH!! Haha. I thought you were asking about your dad. Yes, they did."

So, I was able to take the names of my great-grandparents to the temple on the 23rd. As I was waiting for my turn in to the baptismal font, I sat there and just had the strongest impression that my great-grandparents were there with me. I could feel that they were pleased that I had joined the Church because it meant that they could have the work done for them now. And I felt overwhelmed with the Spirit, and I put my head down in my hands, and I just started crying and silently laughing in my happiness.
Something I realized yesterday, as I was sitting in sacrament meeting, listening to all the testimonies being given, was that I didn't cry when I was baptized, and I didn't cry when I received my endowments; but I did cry when I had that experience with my great-grandparents in the baptistery. I didn't realize it then, but I'm sure that I cried because these ordinances weren't just for me or about me; they were about my family. Yes, it's great that I joined the Church; in fact, it was the best decision I've ever made. And people are constantly telling me that my posterity will forever be grateful for me and the decision I've made, because I was the first; but I know that both sides of my family, both past, and future, are grateful for that. My children will be born in the Covenant, if I marry a solid member of the Church whom I can go and be sealed to in the temple for time and all eternity. And I know that (some, if not all of) my ancestors are desperately waiting for their turn to have the ordinances done for them. Finding them is going to be the hard part, but I know that I'll have help along the way!
So, this past Thursday, the 30th, I took my great-grandmother's name upstairs to do her initiatory. As I sat there waiting for my turn, I was thinking about the experience I had had the week before. And I started wondering, "how can I make it so that every name I am baptized for is that special to me? What can I do differently so that every person I'm being baptized for is that important to me?" And that's when it hit me; I went in with a different mentality because it was the name of a family member. I treated that name differently because I was her descendant. While I know I'm not actually related to the name I'm usually baptized for, I know that they are family members of someone. And I know that they are Spirit children of a Heavenly Father, as am I. And in that way, we are related. So, after I finished doing initiatories, I went back downstairs to the baptistery, and this week, I had been feeling a little under the weather; so, I didn't do baptisms. But I did do confirmations. Before they started, I reminded myself that these names were my Sisters from a Heavenly Mister, that these were the names of my Spirit family members. And boy, did that make a difference! I could feel that the veil was thin, and that they were full of gratitude towards me, for the fact I changed the way I looked at it, for the fact that I was not longer looking at it as some random people who died ages ago, but that I was now looking at it as my long lost relatives. There's a saying, "change your attitude, and you can change your life." I know that the same is true for the temple ordinances, only, if you change your attitude, you might change your experience. Not to say that you're going to have an amazing experience every time,  but I know it has helped me.

The temple has been such a huge blessing to me from the beginning. I know that it turbo-charged my conversion process. Haha. I have no doubts that I would still be a member today even if I had not gone on that temple trip last winter; but I think it'd would've taken me a lot longer to make that decision. I know that God gave me that amazing and overwhelming spiritual experience because He knew it would take a lot to convince me; I am pretty stubborn, after all. I think He knew that had I not gone on that temple trip, my investigating would have probably taken months.

Looking back at my life, I think it's funny that the things that I am internally fighting so hard are the things I end up loving the most. The harder I try to push away or distance myself from something, the more it means to me in the long run. I can say that about my travel experiences, I can say that about certain sports and activities, I can say that relationships, and now, I can say that about the Church. The "Mormon Church" literally weirded me out; I wanted NOTHING to do with it. I only bothered letting those Elders in because I didn't want to be rude. I was too afraid of being mean to them, that I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was not interested. And there were things about the Church that I had issues with. But I kept my very different opinions to myself, for the most part; but inside, I was struggling. I knew the way I felt in my heart, but the way I was thinking wasn't agreeing with what I was feeling. My intellectual side was fighting with my emotional reaction to the Church, But I started reading the Book of Mormon, and I attempted to give it a real chance, and I started praying; and slowly but surely, the intellectual side and the emotional side of me were agreeing. And then I had that experience in the Gilbert temple, and I knew that this was right. I knew that this was another one of those things that I fought against so hard, and that I would end up loving. And it has been. It has been such a blessing to me; and I cannot and do not want to imagine my life from here on out without the Church in it. Letting the Elders in that day in December 2013 was literally the best decision I have ever made, and I wasn't even happy with that decision at the time. Hahaha. Sometimes, the best things to happen to you are the things you didn't want to happen in the first place.

In this show I used to watch, "Parenthood," the matriarch of the family at one point tells her daughter-in-law, "I've never been so happy to be so wrong about anyone." I can't help but feel that way about the Church sometimes. Everything I knew, or everything I thought I knew, about the church was completely wrong. I'm constantly learning, constantly growing, constantly building my testimony of the restored church of Jesus Christ. And every time I go to the temple, I'm adding another brick to the foundation on which my testimony is mostly built upon. You'll constantly hear missionaries tell people to read the Book of Mormon, to pray about it, and if the Spirit tells them it's true, then that means Joseph Smith was a Prophet, then that means he really did restore the true church of Jesus Christ and all the keys of the Priesthood, and so on. And while I know all of that is true, I think for me, it kind of happened differently. I think I had a testimony of all that, but I don't think it was really solidified until I went to the Gilbert temple. In a way, my testimony worked backwards. I knew that the power of the Atonement I felt in the temple that day was real, I knew that the temple really was the House of the Lord, and I knew that the priesthood was necessary to perform the ordinances inside the temple, and then I knew Joseph Smith restored those keys, and then it confirmed to me that the Book of Mormon was true. For me, it all started with the temple, but it doesn't end there. As Elder J. Ballard Washburn once said many years ago, "we go to the temple to make covenants, but we go home to keep the covenants we have made." I know I must keep pressing forward, doing my best to keep my covenants, to follow the commandments, to be a disciple of Christ in all things and in all places. I just wanted to share my experiences with whoever felt like hearing about it. Haha.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough now.

Wishing you all the best,
          Reeree

Totems and Callings

I was watching Brother Bear recently, and if you haven't seen that movie, stop reading this, go watch it, and then come back because there is going to be some spoiler alerts here. Or you can read my following synopsis! :)

Anyway, this movie is about a young Native American(?) man living somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere back when mammoths still roamed the earth. In his tribe, the shaman gives every person a totem of a certain animal and a certain attribute that they are supposed to allow to guide their lives. It's like a coming-of-age kind of thing. They seemingly receive their totems in their teenage years, where guidance is probably most needed. And once they've proved to be living true to their totem, they are esteemed as an adult, and can put their handprint up on their ceremonial cave wall where all their ancestors have. Getting your handprint there is seemingly a huge rite of passage in his tribe. Kenai is given the totem of the bear of love. And he's not happy about it. He doesn't understand why he got love, he wanted something like bravery or strength. And he even jokes about trading his totem. 

Kenai seems to be in his teenage years. He doesn't take too much responsibility for his actions, and believes he can take on the world, and bears, on his own. Overall, he just seems a little "too big for his britches." 

But back to the bears! As a result of Kenai's lack of responsibility, a bear steals his brothers' fish, and Kenai decides to retaliate. This confrontation between he and the bear leads to the death of his eldest brother, Sitka. Again, he tries to retaliate, and ends up killing the bear. He then experiences a magical transformation, and becomes a bear himself. The shaman recognizes him and tells him that he needs to right his wrong if he wants to be a human again. 

Shortly after, he meets a bear cub named Koda. Koda is trying to get to the salmon run, a place where all the bears meet up and have what is essentially a family reunion. Koda asks Kenai to take him there since it's on way to where the shaman told Kenai he needs to get to. So, most of the story is that of their journey. All the while, Kenai's other older brother, Denahi(sp?) is hunting him. Denahi thinks Kenai, in his bear form, killed Kenai as a human, so thinking that he lost both of his brothers to bears, he goes mad with the idea of killing the bear that is actually Kenai.

When Koda and Kenai eventually reach the salmon run, all the bears take turns sharing their most exciting story of the past year. Koda is eager to share a story of his mom fighting some hunters, which triggers something in Kenai, and Kenai then realizes that the bear he killed was actually Koda's mom. Koda is quite understandably upset about this, and Kenai decided to give him some space. Kenai heads to the mountain the shaman told him to go to, and says what is essentially a prayer. He asks Sitka for some help. Right then, his other brother shows up and starts trying to kill him, and Koda shows up to try to help him. Right as Denahi stabs Kenai, he is transformed back into a human. Koda is frightened of him, at first, but then runs up and hugs him. Kenai, out of love for Koda, decides to return to his bear form, and he finally gets to put his pawprint on the wall. 

My thoughts: 

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you are sometimes given a "calling (i.e. a position or an assignment)." These callings vary from teaching the children, being a secretary, or being the bishop, who is in charge of watching over the whole congregation. While some callings are harder than others, they are equally important in the eyes of God. 

But  sometimes when we get a calling, we can feel the same way Kenai did about his totem. He didn't understand it, he didn't like it, and he'd rather do/have something else. As a convert, I feel like I am the least suitable person for any calling. A year in, and I still don't know a lot about the Church and its inner workings. I don't know anything about the Primary program, or the Young Women's program, or Duty of God. Luckily, I am still in YSA. But I'm a little scared for the day when I have to go to a family ward, because while most of it is the same, there are somethings I have no experience with yet. So, when it comes to the calling I have, I feel like there are better choices for this position than I am. 

But just as Kenai thought it was a mistake, and understood later why he got the totem that he did, we all eventually reach some sort of understanding about our callings. Kenai started off thinking about his totem in a selfish manner. He only though about himself, and didn't embrace his totem. But as he grew to love Koda, he realized that his totem wasn't about himself. It was about loving others, specifically Koda.
Similarly, sometimes our callings might not be about us, it might be about the people we're serving. On the other hand, while we may not be the best person for the calling we've been given, it might be the best calling for us at that point in our lives. Some callings help us grow, and some callings help us to help others grow. I think it's important to embrace the callings we've been given, especially if we're scared of them.  We should not look at them as if we're not worthy to do them, or as if they are beneath us. But we should magnify our callings, and and ask ourselves not only "how can I better help those I'm serving to grow" but also ask ourselves, "how can I grow from this?"
:)

"If You Believe All These Things See That Ye Do Them"

(Previously posted on my Facebook page on February 13th, 2015)

#SpiritualThoughtOfTheDay I just finished the book of Mosiah in the #BookofMormon. Chapter 26 talks about how some of the people who had just been baptized by Alma and his brethren were being led away from the Church and into sin by unbelievers. Being the high priest, Alma was asked by members of the Church to do something about it; so Alma turned to Heavenly Father and asked Him what he should do concerning these sinners. The Lord tells Alma that he and his brethren should teach the people to repent, ask forgiveness, and be baptized. Those who did would be judged according to their sins, and should then be forgiven. And those that did not repent would have their names blotted out. So, Alma and his brethren did as they were told.

"And now all these things did Alma and his fellow laborers do who were over the church, walking in all diligence, teaching the word of God in all things, suffering all manner of afflictions, being persecuted by those who did not belong to the church of God (verse 38)."

What stuck out to me most was that Alma and his comrades "[taught] the word of God in all things." To me, that means that they not only read or preached the principles taught in the scriptures, they LIVED the principles taught in the scriptures. And they didn't just do this when it was convenient for them; they did this all the time, even if it was not "cool" or not the "popular opinion." These guys were literally harassed for sharing their faith with others, but they kept doing it because they were commanded to, and they knew it was the right thing to do.

One of the members of the Granada Hills Stake Relief Society presidency recently told us (the YSA Relief Society), "if you love this gospel, live it (or something like that)."

In his October 2014 General Conference talk, "The Preparatory Priesthood," President Henry B Eyring said, "even more powerful than using words in our teaching the doctrine will be our examples of living the doctrine."

When we take upon ourselves the name of Christ, we are vowing to be like Him. We are committing to follow His ways, and live our His principles. We are committing to practice His loving attributes every hour of every day. It is not always an easy path, but it is always the right one.

I am so, so grateful that I made that commitment. I know that I will never be exactly like Him, but I know that I am trying, and that, my friends, makes all the difference.

:)

#ScriptureADayKeepsTheDevilAway #JesusChrist #ShareGoodness #ReadGoodness

(the scripture in the title is Mosiah 4:10 in the Book of Mormon)

Blessed With Spiritual Strength

(previously posted on my Facebook page on February 12th, 2015)

I was reading the book of Mosiah in the #BookOfMormon, and a few scriptures stuck out to me.

Mosiah 24:15 "And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, The Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully to all the will of The Lord."

Mosiah 23:20 "Nevertheless The Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith."

Mosiah 23:2 "And The Lord did strengthen them, that the people of king Noah could not overtake them to destroy them."

I know that we experience trials in our lives for a purpose. It is not to punish us, but to test our resilience, test our courage, and to test our faith. When we face adversity, we can find strength with the Father. He will bless us with the strength to make our burdens seem smaller if we only ask Him to. They will not disappear, but they will seem lighter.

#SpiritualThoughtOfTheDay  #ScriptureADayKeepsTheDevilAway #SpiritualStrength #ReadGoodness #ShareGoodness

It's my "Baptiversary!"

A year ago, today, I was baptized and I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I seriously cannot believe that it has been 365 days since then. It simultaneously feels like it was just yesterday and like it was a lifetime ago; I would argue that it feels like a lifetime ago because I was living a different life then. The choices I was making before I got baptized would currently have me on a very different path now had I continued to make those choices.

Last week, when I bore my testimony at our sacrament meeting, I had told my ward that without the temple trip last year, my conversion would've taken longer, or it might not have happened at all. But something my stake president said at our ward conference yesterday made me realize that that is just not true. He said something along the lines of "just as people on earth are sad that you've left when you die; people in heaven are sad when you're born." And it reminded me of this poem Sister Olsen had shared with me (it is so good!), but it also reminded me that I chose to follow God's plan in the pre-mortal life. I was a member of His Church then, and I wanted to come to earth to learn and progress and to follow the Savior and return to Him. I was set out to be a member of this Church from the beginning; it was only a matter of when. Recently, I was reading in the Book of Mormon, and I found a scripture that reiterated this idea for me. "And I bear record that the people of Nephi did seek diligently to restore the Lamanites unto the true faith in God (Enos 1:20). . . ."

I italicized the word "restore" because it really stuck out to me as I was reading this. The word basically means "to return or bring back to its former/original state." So, when I read this, it made me realize that at one point, the Lamanites believed in God. For whatever reason (wickedness, pride, bitterness, etc., I don't remember), the Lamanites had lost their faith in the Father. 

When we are born and cross the veil that separates our Heavenly home from this world, we lose our knowledge and memories of our Heavenly home. We forget our Heavenly Father, we forget we chose to follow Him, and we forget that we were already part of His church. Some of us grew up in the Church, so we are taught about the gospel from a young age, therefore some of us are restored to their faith before others. And some of us, including me, are those "others." We are those who didn't grow up with the gospel in our homes, who didn't know the truth. We needed to be restored to our faith later. 

Sometimes I wonder, "where would I be now if I had been a member sooner?" But I always think about the following three lyrics when I think about the way my life has gone. 

"Thank God for all I missed, because it led me here to this." -Darius Rucker, "This"

"I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved." - Carrie Underwood, "Good in Goodbye"

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks, "Unanswered Prayers"

My life has definitely not gone the way I would've expected it to, but I feel much happier with what I've got than I would've been had I gotten what I thought I wanted then. I know that God has a plan for each of us. He know what He's doing. He sees things differently than we do. We can only see today, but He sees what lies ahead for us. We just have to be patient, and faithful that whatever we're going through will be beneficial for us at some point. Someday, we're going to look back at the trials we're facing today and be glad for them. I never thought I would look back at all the things I've been through, and be able to say that I'm glad it happened. But now, I can. It has made me who I am; which I'd like to think is "a whole lot of tender, and little bit tough." :) 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I've been restored to my true faith. It's been a full year of this LDS life, and it has been a great one! And I know that while life not get any easier, it will still get better from here on out because I have the gospel!

Some picture-quotes that are food for thought!

A Year Since the "Spiritual Slap to the Face"

Yesterday marked a year since the day I walked through the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house for the second time (as I had walked through the night before), and I received what I call a "spiritual slap to the face." I've talked about this experience before (here), but to give you a short version, I was an investigator of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at the time, and a skeptical one at that. I wasn't sure if I had really believed any of what the Sisternaries had been teaching me, but I knew that I had felt good inside every time. They kindly urged me to go with the ward to the Gilbert temple open house, so I did. On the way there, I realized that I wanted to get baptized, but I wasn't fully committed to the idea just yet. I went through the first time, and it was incredible, but I didn't take it all in because we were kind of being rushed through it. The second time, I tried to walk a little bit slower, and I tried to take it all in. I said a silent prayer right before we walked through the Celestial room, and then I had a wonderful experience. All at once, I felt this peace and love from above that had been lacking in life. I felt the true and wonderful power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I gained a testimony of the love Christ has for us, and specifically me. When you are literally slapped in the face, your eyes tear up a little, and most often, you weren't expecting to be slapped, and you stand there in complete shock, unable to react to it. I call my experience a "spiritual slap to the face" because I had those "symptoms." And also because I am stubborn. Some people can feel gentle urges from the Spirit and know that the Church is true, but because I needed a little more convincing, I needed a bigger "sign." Just another testimony of the fact that Heavenly Father knows me, and each of us, so well!
Yesterday, I talked a bit about this as I shared my testimony. There were so many thoughts running through my head at the time, but I just let the Spirit guide me. And I shared a well-known quote by Oliver Wilde, and also a variation of it. The original is "every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future." But the variation I found on the internet added a few words.

Buy the patch here, if you want it.

Those words made this quote a hundred times more powerful to me than ever before. The quote itself gives people hope that they can be better than where they are now. But Christ is what provides that hope. Through the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the power to change ourselves for the better. I know that I've changed in the past year since I've been baptized. In the song, "Baptism," by Randy Travis, he says "down with the old man, up with the new." The baptismal waters wash away our sins, our mistakes, and our past. But they don't wash away our bad habits. When you make the decision to get baptized, you make the decision to commit to be better. As one of the Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Ezra Taft Benson, has said, "when you choose to follow Christ, you choose to be changed." Why? Because you choose to emulate him. You cannot be a follower of Christ without following and without living His principles. It takes time to do this; I know from experience. There are still bad habits that I'm working on. But God appreciates our effort in trying to change. "...it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23)." 

I know these things are true. I know that Christ has made all the difference in my life, and I know that if you are willing to accept Him into your life, He can make a difference in yours as well.  

Protect Our Nestlings

Those "Sidewalk Prophets"

On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to have the YSA Sisternaries over for dinner.  I was so disappointed because I spent a good part of the day preparing my food several hours before the time I knew they would show up so it would all be perfect. And it was not. The food was still pretty decent, but it really got to me, and it was hard to enjoy their company during the actual dinner because I had my head so wrapped around the fact that the meal I had prepared didn't come out just right.

But, right after, I went with them to teach a lesson in Van Nuys. One the way there, we were listening to this mix CD I made them which contains music that "strikes me spiritual." Most of the songs were very obviously so, because they used words having directly to do with the gospel. But there are a few songs that are in no direct way spiritual, but they bring out the Spirit for me. One of the songs on there is "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Sisters French and Forbush were both singing along, when the latter said "I want to go do karaoke." And Sister French responded with, "Ha. Carrie-okie!" It was so funny! :)
Anyway, the guy they were teaching was referred to them by some other Elders in the area. He didn't actually let us in his house, so we all just stood on his doorstep talking in the dark. It was really hard to see his face, making it hard to tell if he was actually understanding what the Sisters were saying or just saying he understood. Especially considering the fact that every time they asked him a question, he would only give one- or two-word answers. But after they would explain one thing about our Church, he would ask to hear more. It was pretty awesome.

At one point they asked him if he believed in the prophets in The Bible, and if he believed in the possibility of prophets on the earth today. And he said that there could be a possibility. And then the Sisters asked me to share my testimony of how I came to know if there was a prophet on the earth today, and how I came to know that President Thomas S. Monson is the true and living prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ. And I told him that I prayed about it, and I got this feeling in my heart that felt right. And by reading the scriptures in both the Bible and in the Book of Mormon, and then going and reading the words President Monson has given, and how, to me, they were the same words I've read in the scriptures, just in modern terms. He testified of the same things that prophets of old had testified about. But, here's the embarrassing part, when I was trying to say "Thomas S. Monson," I called him "Spencer." I know that Spencer is his middle name, but I felt like a total idiot for forgetting his name, his first name! I felt like I had screwed up so bad. In my head, I was thinking, "Yeah, I'm sure this sounds questionable now if I can't even get the prophet's name right!" But it didn't seem to affect him negatively, because he still seemed interested.

Then, baptism came up, and he said he might be interested in the idea of being baptized, of course, after he can know for himself if any of this is true. But he told us he had been baptized before. When he said that, I immediately thought of the scripture that talks about how without the proper priesthood authority, the ordinances performed are kind of all for naught. I felt like I should just let them do the talking at that point, and Sister Forbush handled it so well! She talked about priesthood power, but he didn't seem to comprehend her "missionary lingo," so I tried to break it down in simpler terms, and then (I think) he got it. And he kept asking them to share more with them. It was pretty great. He even asked them how long would he have wait before he could be a "sidewalk prophet" like they are. Haha, not quite, but pretty close! I think it was a really good lesson. It was hard to gauge his interest, or the sincerity of his interest, at first, but I really do believe he is genuinely interested. He even agreed to come to sacrament meeting on Sunday. 

The Sisters are so inspiring. It's so great to see them at work. I know they believe with every fiber of their being that the things that they are "preaching" are true, as do I. Every time I read my scriptures, with real intent, with the desire to learn something from them, my testimony grows. Every time I feed the missionaries, and they share a spiritual thought with me, and it is exactly what I needed to hear without having them known prior to then, my testimony grows. Every time I get to share my beliefs with others, whether it is with the Sisters or on my own, my testimony grows. I am so, so grateful that I opened the door to the "sidewalk prophets" who were roaming through my neighborhood over a year ago. It's changed me for the better. And every time I help the Sisters teach a lesson, I hope that those people will see that, and want that for themselves. Recently, I started re-reading the Book of Mormon. It has been so great. The first time around I was really skeptical, but now, that I know it's the Word of God, I'm reading it with a much more open mind, and an open heart. Anyway, there's this chapter where the patriarch of the family, Lehi, has a vision of the tree of life, and its fruit basically represent God's love. And the following verse stuck out to me. 

1 Nephi 8:12 - "And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit."

If you experienced something as amazing as that, wouldn't you want to share it with your family? Lehi had the desire to share it his actual family; his wife. his sons, and their wives. When I read this, I thought about my immediate and extended family, but I also thought abut my Heavenly family. WE are children of a Heavenly Family, and I want us all to return to Him. I want everyone to be able to taste of the fruit. I want everyone to experience that wonderful and eternal love for themselves. To not share it would be selfish, and well, that wouldn't be very Christ-like, would it?

:)

Is it really worth it?

Lately, I feel like I've been bombarded by people who ask me if I ever miss coffee, alcohol, or tea. When I made the decision to get baptized, I made a covenant with Heavenly Father that I wouldn't partake of those things anymore because He has commanded us not to. And there are times where I do miss tea, sweet tea to be exact, and there are also times where I do miss my previous occasional "strong drink." And after I tell those who ask me about it that I do sometimes yearn for those drinks, I usually get this follow-up question: "what keeps you from doing it?" Usually, because it's the first thing that pops up, is that I refrain from doing it because I hardly did it anyway, and I know I'm better off without it. Alcohol is dangerous, and to this day, my father is still a prisoner to his vice. Knowing that alcoholism can be genetic, I've always been careful to not make my drinking a habit. So, that has been my go-to answer when people ask me why I don't drink alcohol anymore.
As far as the coffee, well, I never really liked it anyway. So, I have no problem staying away from that.
For me, the hardest of all to give up has been the tea. I love iced tea, especially sweet tea. So, that has been a struggle for me. Especially because it's all my mom seems to buy anymore. Our fridge is always stocked with some type of iced tea. And it is so hard for me to say no to that.
But what I've come to realize is that every time I have an opportunity to have alcohol or tea, or do any of the things I vowed not to do anymore since being baptized, I think to myself, "is it really worth it?" A brief moment of pleasure for my taste buds is a moment of blatant and conscious disobedience to God; a moment where I would be disappointing my Heavenly Father, therefore disappointing myself; a moment where I would forsake the promises I made to Him, and would be driving away the Holy Spirit.
I may have "lost" out a few things here and there by vowing to giving them up when I got baptized, but I gained so much more. I've gained the gift of the Holy Ghost, who comforts me and guides me and reveals to me what my Heavenly Father wants me to know. And through Jesus, I've gained a friend, I've gained forgiveness, and peace and love. And everyday, I seem to gain more. I've been given so much from my Heavenly Father. While the tea, coffee, and alcohol seemed like a huge sacrifice a year ago, it is no big deal now. Satan tries to tempt me into it every now and then, but when I measure up the pros and cons, what Satan is offering me doesn't even come close to all that my Heavenly Father has given me, and all that He promises to give me if I continue on the right path.

Mormons, Mormons Everywhere

I was at work on yesterday, putting go-backs away, when a customer stopped me to ask a question. I was happy to oblige. I couldn't tell you what she originally wanted, but I lifted my right hand up to scratch my chin as I thought about the location of her desired items. And she cut me off. She said, "is that a CTR ring?!" Indeed, it was a CTR ring on my right hand. And we started talking about what wards we each respectively go to. Our wards actually meet in the same building! She goes to the Northridge family ward! And she asked me to tell her my conversion story, so I gave her the short version. We had a nice little chat for over ten minutes. She's a sweet lady! I'm glad I met her! I'll probably see her around the building in passing.

I love this Church. There are members from all walks of life and all over the world. I love that the Church is the same no matter where you attend. It's a safe place to get away from the world. It's a place of spiritual refuge. The Spirit is felt the same in every church building. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father truly guided this church, and that He is at the Helm of that "old ship Zion." I would be so lost without His direction; I know I have been before.

David, one of my mom's exes who has grown to be like a father-figure to me, keeps trying to convince me to move to Utah. He says I'll love it (because of all the Mormons there. haha! As if there aren't any here! We're everywhere!). And I'm sure I would. When I went to the Ogden temple open house, I definitely fell in love with the scenery I saw along the way. And Utah just has a different aura than the other states I've seen. It doesn't seem, I hope some people don't take this the wrong way, as "worldly" as other places. I think it's kind of cool. But I just get this feeling, and I could be very wrong, that the leaders of the Church don't want all non-Utah Mormons to be flooding to Utah. I feel like rather than have the world think that Utah is the "Mormon state," they'd prefer to make the "Mormon presence" stronger throughout the world. I think they would rather have us stay put, and help "build the kingdom" where we are now. But I could be wrong. And I'm not completely against the idea of moving there; I'm just not sure I'm ready for it now. Only time will tell. :)

Open the Door

Just to set the record straight, this actually happened last week, December 7th to the 11th. I've been meaning to post about it for days, but I just hadn't gotten around to it. 

Yeah, so, last Sunday it hit me that right around this time last year was when the Elders knocked on my door. I've mentioned a few times throughout my blogposts that I had no desire to hear from them. While I prayed for guidance prior to meeting them, I wasn't sure I was ready or willing to make the changes that I knew faith required of me. So, when I saw them through the blinds, I rolled my eyes, and almost didn't even open the door. But I was raised better than that, so I decided to be polite, and just hear them out. Something prompted me to let them in, and, as "they" say, the rest is history. 

Last Sunday, when I realized that a whole year had passed, I felt the urge to share my testimony. I wasn't aware of this, but Elder Sharp was in the foyer at the time, and was able to hear it. Later, he told me he was grateful to have heard it and to have played a part in my conversion, if only a small part. 

After the three-hour blocks, we had our Break-The-Fast ward luncheon thing. One the Sisters' new investigators was there. His name is Andres, he's really nice. He seems like a solid investigator! I have a good feeling about this one, but then, what do I know? Haha I'm just a convert!

Anyway, after Break the Fast, Gilbert and I hung out at the church for a bit. He wanted help preparing for his seminary lesson. And I had a feeling I should stay and help him. 

A short while later, we heard a knock on the door. I think neither of us felt like answering, but then I heard another knock. So, I went to answer it, and there was this young guy there who said he ha to do a project for his class on a religion and was curious in the "Mormon Church." My first instinct was to refer him to the missionaries, and that's only because I don't known enough to be giving out information like that. I've finished the Book of Mormon, and I have a testimony of it, and Joseph Smith, and the Church, but I don't think that is what he was looking for. I went to go get Gilbert for help. The guy introduced himself as Travis, and told us that he was "an adult now," and he figured it was time for him to find a religion. He also mentioned that his mom was Mormon at one point before converting to Catholicism. So, we gave him a tour of the building; Gilbert gave him a mini-lesson on the Plan of Salvation, and we started telling him other aspects of the Church, some of which are not the best to mention the first time around. :\ that was mostly my fault, but then again, I was nervous. After a while, it startet to seem like his interest was caused less by his project and more by actual curiosity. And he had stuck around for so long, too. It seemed like he might be an actually investigator. He exchanged numbers with Gilbert, and asked to be invited to our church services and activites. He took the Sisters' number. The whole thing was incredible! I totally was not expecting it (I'll finish this story in a bit. I like to tell things in chronological order).

After that, Gilbert and I rushed to the stake center for the Rebroadcast of the Christmas Devotional. Mostly missionaries were there. So, we told the Sisternaries about it, and they were so excited! I told Sister Bishop that I was kind of funny that a year after I opened the door the Elders even though I kinda of didn't want to, I open a door at church (even though I kind of didn't feel like getting up) to a guy who might become an investigator! So, Sister Bishop was like, "That's it! Now you always have to open the door!" Haha! It made me think about taking the opportunities that are given to us! 

And I saw both Elder Sharp and Elder Hansen, so we had to get a picture to commemorate the anniversary of meeting them! 

Monday night, for FHE, the ward went up to Santa Clarita to this little neighborhood that goes all out with the lights. They call it "Wakefield Wonderland." It was really pretty! And then I unexpectedly ran into Sister Hacker! It was pretty funny. We looked at each other for half a second before recognizing each other, and then I totally screamed in excitement. Literally, like a little girl! I have never been that type of girl before, but now I'm screaming of joy all the time! It started when I joined the church. Haha what is also funny is that on the way there I was kind of hoping I would either run into her or Sister Olsen. Around the time I ran into Sister Hacker, some of the ward ran into Sister Olsen. I only saw her sticking out of the truck she was in as she was heading out. She was yelling, yeah, she's a funny gal. Haha. 

The Sisternaries invited me to teach Travis last Tuesday, and also last Thursday. On Tuesday, it still seemed like it was just for the project. But the Spirit was so strong on Thursday. I was sure he was genuinely interested. Besides, his project was due Wednesday. If he was only interested in the church for his project, I don't think he would've bothered meeting them again after it was due. Unfortunately, he didn't end up going to church this past Sunday. And he probably isn't interested anymore, if he ever was at all. And it's disappointing the way it turned out, but at least he "opened the door" enough to have an opinion on our Church. And that's all we're really asking of people, to pray and ponder whether this gospel is right for them. Only God knows if he actually prayed about it. But whatever happened, much like Elder Sharp, I'm grateful to have played a part in his short investigation. :)

Apostles: Living Witnesses of Jesus Christ

Today was totally awesome! And also kind of sad. We had our ward Christmas program, and it was pretty good. I could tell they all put a lot of thought and hard work into it. I was blown away by some of the performances, and some of the testimonies.
But it was also Sister Bishop's last Sunday on her mission. She goes home Wednesday. I could feel myself trying to avoid her as soon as I pulled in to the church parking lot. It's kind of a habit of mine; I distance myself from people whom I know are leaving (or I'll leave), and I'm going to miss. I guess in my mind, I justify this with the thought I won't miss them as much, but that is seldom the case. I miss people pretty bad regardless.

After the sacrament meeting, we had desserts as a ward. And, no surprise here, Bishop Patton asked us all to sing Hymn 152, "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again." At this point, we had better just memorize the song because it has become quite evident that we will be singing it to anyone he gets attached to in the ward. Haha. He's a great Bishop. But I could barely make it through the song. My eyes started tearing up. Sometimes I don't realize how much of an impact someone has had on me until the very last moment. I'm gonna miss her.
And the Yangs. Brother Yang just got called to be the Bishop of the Tarzana family ward! So, we sang Hymn 152 not only to Sister Bishop, but to them as well. Sister Yang is one of my favorite people, and I know I'll see her around every now and then, but I'm going to miss her still. Brother Yang, well, I don't know him very well. He's a quite man, but when he does talk, he's a funny guy. I wish I had gotten to know him a little better.

Anyway, I went home for about an hour.

Then I went to the Spanish stake center in Van Nuys. Elder Neil L. Anderson of the Quorum of the Twelve was there to give a fireside to the youth of the Church. Us, YSA, were later invited to come. It was good. I learned a lot from him. But I was excited to see another side of him. I've only ever seen him during conference talks, and I felt like I didn't know much about him. Bu through the firseide, I was able to do that, and now I see him for what he is: a man, with imperfections and flaws like the rest of us, but a man called of God, a man who is a living witness of Christ. A man who has been called to lead and edify us, and I can testify that he did just that. My outlook on the man has changed immensely. I'm grateful for the opportunity we were given there. I'm grateful that we were invited, and that I was able to learn from and of him, and that I got to shake his hand! What a sweet man he is, and his wife is, as well.

After that fireside, Gilbert and I, in separate cars, went to the Granada Hills stake center for the Stake sing along. We got there at the same time, and it had just started. There was a pretty good turn-out. Both pairs of the Northridge 1st missionaries were there, as was Elder Burgess, the guy who baptized my younger sister. I sat next to Sister Raty, and when Gilbert went to the bathroom, she asked me if we were together. Awkward! But she told me the only reason she thought that was because we had been together the week before as well when we came to the Christmas devotional. Haha. But I set her straight. We're just friends who just happened to spend the majority of two Sundays in a row together. He's like a brother, or a cousin, to me. I could never see him like that. But her comment made me laugh. Anyway, this program was my favorite thing! I'm usually not a fan of singing, but after the first non-sing-along performance, the whole congregation started clapping. I was so confused. Mormons usually don't clap at Church things. But this time, it was allowed! If I hadn't already met Elder Anderson, this probably would've made my week! I am a big fan of clapping when I approve of/like something! Sometimes, it is so hard to hold myself back at Church. But, for once, it was allowed. So, because I was so overjoyed about the clapping, I actually sang almost every sing-along song off the top of my lungs! It was a joyous occasion for me!

I Love to See the Temple

Last weekend, my ward and I drove from various points in the San Fernando valley to Arizona. We all left early Friday morning, and made it to Gilbert by the early afternoon. We were there to see the temple. Some of us did temple baptisms, others did sealings and endowments.

It was so great to return to that temple. The last time I had been was during their open house just eight months ago. At the time, I was still an investigator. It was there during the open house where I realized I wanted to be baptized. To be there again, as a member, doing temple work for the members of my Bishop's family felt pretty amazing. It was a real honor to be one of the few who got to e baptized for and in the place of some of his and Sister Patton's family members. I love them both so much. They are like family to me. 

Then we all grabbed a bite to eat, and we all went to the Mesa temple. It is so pretty. Sadly, I didn't think to take any pictures. Haha. 

Then we went back to Gilbert, to stay there for the night with members of the Church who live there. The house I stayed in was pretty epic! 

Saturday morning, the people I stayed with fed the entire ward. Almost 15 of us, plus their own family, and the members who housed the rest of the ward. I will never get over how kind the members of the Church are. They are awesome!

After breakfast, we drove from Gilbert to Phoenix for the temple open house there. That temple is so beautiful! Gilbert is still my favorite, bar none, but the celestial room in the Phoenix temple is gorgeous. I'll have to make a return visit once I have received my endowments. 

I feel so blessed to be part of this ward. I've talked to members in other YSA wards in the area, and they haven't been able to take the temple trips we've taken. I'm grateful that my Bishop was able to make this all happen, that the Church was able to make this all happen. I honestly don't know if I would be a member right now if I hadn't gone on that temple trip in February. I would not have been able to see as many temples as I have in the time that I have without the ward trips. I feel truly blessed. 😊

Climbing Spiritual and Physical Mountains

So, today after I got home from a quick meeting I had to go to, I felt the urge to go hiking; it's a bit of a a rare "craving" for me. While I enjoy hiking and the outdoors, I'm also really lazy. But I thought to myself, "it's a beautiful day, and really, what are you going to do if you don't go hiking? Scroll through your Pinterest feed all day? No, go out, and enjoy the day."

I asked my sister if she wanted to go with me, but she said she had stuff to do. So, after I ate lunch, my dog, Lola, and I hit the road, and we headed towards O'Melveny Park in Granada Hills. I've heard a lot of great things about this park, but me, being lazy, have never been, though, I've had plenty of chances. Haha, One of the things I heard about this park is that there is a place that you can see both the Santa Clarita and San Fernando valleys. And I wanted to see it.

O'Melveny Park has an equestrian trail, and a nature trail, and various other trails that could be nameless. But don't quote me on that. Haha. Lola and I started on the nature trail; when we reached a fork in the road, I took the path less traveled. And we hiked way up the hill, but eventually we hit a did end. So we decided to go back down the hill. At this point Lola was so tired from that first hike, that I decided that we should take a break and catch our breath. We settled in this little grassy area.

Lola's got swag. 

If you walk along the fence, that is the horse trail, but I think that trail that's just behind the fence is called the Grotto Trail.

Lola got to play with another dog there for a while. The funny thing is she was exhausted, bu she kept playing. After the other dog left, and Lola caught her breath, she gave me this look like she was ready to go. So, I refilled her water bottle. Yes, she has her own. Haha. It's one of those that has a little bowl attached to it so she can drink from it. And then we were on our way, up the Grotto trail.

It was hard, but I was really determined to get to that viewpoint. We would climb up one hill, thinking the viewpoint would be there, only to see another, and sometimes, steeper hill. Every now and then, after a steep hill, we would take a break. But I found that after taking a break, it was a lot harder to find the drive or motivation to keep going. But I knew that the climb would be worth it once I saw that view. 

Stop 1: After climbing a pretty steep hill, Lola literally dragged me across from the other side of the trail to this tree for shade. :)

Lola enjoying the shade. 

The view from under the tree. 

It was kind of funny; every time we were climbing a steep section, I thought about some of the prophets in the scriptures, who used to climb to the tops of great mountains to talk with God. And while He didn't show himself to me, nor did I hear His voice, I knew I felt His presence through the Holy Spirit. I knew He was with me. 

Every time I reached the top of one hill, I would turn around and take in the view, and it was beautiful. I closed my eyes, and just tuned into the sounds of the nature around me. It was really great. But when I opened my eyes, I knew that this wasn't the view I came for. Not to say it wasn't good enough, but I still wanted a greater and grander view. 

So we pushed on, and kept climbing up the mountain.

Stop 2: After a steep, and slippery, section, Lola just threw herself on the ground.

Stop 3

Stop 3; different angle. 

Stop 3; another, different angle. 

 After this point, I was tempted to stop, and just go home. I almost felt satisfied. Then I noticed this path. I don't know why, but I was drawn to it.

Something about this path just spoke to me, so I had to investigate. 

 As soon as I was on it, I realized why I was drawn to it. On both sides of the path, all I saw was hills, and little flat areas, covered in dry grass. Sometimes I forget how beautiful the desert landscape can be. But what I loved most about it was that while you're on this path, for the most part, there is no sign of the city-life to the naked eye. It's like you're hundreds of miles away.

Lola and I continued on this somewhat secluded path, until we eventually came across a fence. It apparently belongs to a local gas company, or the city water supply. I, with my eyes, followed the fence to see where it led. That's when I noticed this tree on top of yet another hill, and a trail that led straight to it. At this point, I had already told Lola a couple of dozens of time that we were almost to the top, and I kid you not, she gave me this look that said "Yeah, I've heard that before," but this time, I really felt it!

Stop 4

Stop 4; different angle. 

Stop 4

Stop 4

When we finally reached that tree, I noticed there was a couple of trees. But one of them caught my eye, because there was this crate locked to it. 

Inside this crate, there are letters, and notebooks, and all kinds of stuff. Apparently, people who hike up here often, keep a record of their adventures. I thought that was pretty neat. 

We had, what I felt like was, the last uphill climb to the top. 

And it was the top! I was so excited! Getting up there was such a struggle, and with all of our breaks, it took us hours to get there. I honestly wanted to give up on multiple occasions, but I knew that what I'd get to experience from the top would make the climb all worth it! The view was glorious. 

The following are some spiritual thoughts that came to mind while I was hiking; forgive me if I repeat myself, or if I simply don't make any sense.

Getting to the top was my goal from the beginning. But there were distractions, and setbacks, and hiccups along the way, and it took me a while to get there.
As I was climbing up that mountain, I thought about how the top of the mountain was like the Celestial Kingdom. Our goal is to do everything we can do in this mortal life to get back to Heavenly Father in the eternal life.

Every time I took a break, it was that much harder to start up again, and keep going uphill. Every time, I was very tempted to turn around, and go back down the hill. Likewise, every sin I've committed makes it that much harder to keep living a gospel-centered life. It is easy to look at my mistakes and feel like I can't return from that point of despair. It is easy to feel guilty and to feel like I'll never be forgiven.But I can be forgiven. In fact, I have been. Jesus Christ has already suffered for me, for my mistakes, my sorrows, my burdens, everything. All I need to do is repent, and I can be wiped clean from that. But without repentance, I cannot move forward and upward. Without repentance, I would probably continue to sin,and it could lead to my own spiritual destruction. Repent, endure to the end, and eventually, I can reach the top of the mountain, and live with my Heavenly Father.

While I was climbing up steep hills, I thought about how hills are like the trials and blessings in our lives. It was so hard to climb the steep hills, but I kept my mind on what my goal was. I knew I wanted to get to the top. I kept that in perspective the majority of the time. There are times when I didn't. There are times where I lost desire to keep going. And while I was catching my breath, debating if I should turn around or keep going, I thought about gratitude. It is easy to be grateful during our times of abundances. But am I grateful for what I have when I don't have much? Am I grateful during my trials? Am I grateful for my trials? Am I grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from my trials? Honestly, most of the time I am not; that is something I need to work on. But, as with hills, I can not enjoy the easy, enjoyable part of the trail of life without appreciating the hard part of the trail of life.

Going back to the path I was drawn to. . . Well, I guess every time I reached the top of one hill, and I turned to see the view of the valley, I was also worried about getting too far away from civilization because I was afraid of getting lost in the mountains. And when I found the path, and was able to look around and not see the city, I felt really great. In my mind, I related that path to the righteous path we must go on. The path led me to my destination, the viewpoint at the top of the mountain; just like the righteous path leads us to eternal glory. But we can only be on that path if we leave behind ways of the world. We must be in the world, but not of the world.

A similar thought I had was when I realized I had gotten high enough on the hill to see the cloud of  smog and pollution that looms over the valley. I honestly think that was when I had my first spiritual thought. When I thought about it, you don't usually notice the pollution when you're down there. It is only when you stand on high ground that you see how dirty the air really is. I related this to sin and immoral behavior. When you are around sin and immoral behavior, or when you participate in this behavior, you let your guard down. You become desensitized to it, and eventually, you don't even notice it. It is only when you stand on high moral ground that you can notice the sin around you. But we are not to judge or treat our fellow brothers and sisters, who are also children of God, for their behavior. We must love them as the Savior did.

Speaking of what the Savior would do, one of the lessons I learned while hiking was about "carrying" our brothers and sisters when they fall or need help. There were times were Lola was tired, and I was not tired. I could have kept going, but Lola needed to rest. I thought about how much faster I could have made it to my destination without her presence. But, then, I thought about how if she hadn't kept going, if she hadn't started taking those steps when I was ready to turn around, I never would've made it to my destination. While getting to the Celestial Kingdom is desirable, it is not a race, it is not an eternal finish line that we must all cross. The scriptures teach that "the worth of souls is great in the eyes of God (D&C 18:10);" one might say that the worth of every soul is great in His eyes. I believe He wants us all to return to Him. We must help ourselves get there, but we must also help others get there. Something as simple as a friendly hug, a thoughtful conversation, or a card in the mail makes a huge difference in the lives of those who need a friend but don't know how to turn to one. We must help our brothers and sisters in time of need. We must be like the Savior was. Every little act of kindness helps to soften the hearts of others. We need to do what we can to help others get there. They have their agency, and can choose to follow what path they may, but we must be diligent in being disciples of Christ to them, and being diligent in being their confidant.

Mission Peak

The Widower's Bench

This grove-type area at O'Melveny Park.

I really like their "fence."

Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts of the day.