Alma 24:30

"And this we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of this pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things."

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been struggling a lot with doing the things I know I should be doing. I feel like I'm not only failing in Scripture studies and personal prayers; I feel like I'm failing in other areas as well. I feel like I'm struggling with reverence. I feel like I'm struggling with Sabbath Day observance. I feel like I'm not making the best choices.
With these challenges, and the consequential reduction of prayers and scripture study on my behalf, I feel like more questions have arisen. I feel like I'm questioning things I once felt sure about. And the timing of this could not be any worse.
I've started working on my mission papers, and because of all these struggles I'm having, I feel like I'm doubting whether I can be an effective missionary. I'm questioning whether I can do this. Part of me thinks that this is exactly what the adversary would have me believe. He wants me to feel like a failure.
And I guess that's why that verse spoke to me today. If I allow the adversary to creep in, if I allow him to lead me away, I can expect to have a harder life than the one I had before I was a member. I can expect to face to worse from my Heavenly Father. He is more forgiving to those who have transgressed without knowledge of His full gospel than He is to those who knew it and have forsaken it. I don't want to be one of those people is slow to remember their Father. I don't want to become one of those people who slips away. I know I need to make some changes in my life; and that starts by putting Him first AGAIN. Somewhere along the lines I let Him go from my first priority to another number on my list. And that has got to change.
It's been said by some that if you aren't progressing, then you are retrogressing. This whole experience has taught me that that is true.
But you know what else I've learned? Experiences like this may be a test of faith, but these are the types of experiences that bring you closer to the Father and the Savior. I wouldn't have joined the Church without an experience like this because that experience humbled me. I didn't think I needed religion until I had nothing else to fall back on but what little faith I had. While these experiences are challenging in the moment, the weight of the load can be made lighter through Jesus Christ. And, my goodness, I'm truly grateful for that!

Grateful for Temples and Temple Ordinances

Wow. It's been a while since I've posted anything here. Not to say that nothing has happened, because a lot of exciting stuff has happened since my last post, but I guess between all the writing in my journal, in letters to friends, and in emails to my missionary friends, I neglected my blog. Haha.
So, be prepared, because this is gonna be a long one!

In early March, I was interviewed by my Bishop for a temple recommend on temple grounds. What an incredible experience! I had my eyes shifting between him and the main entrance of the temple, knowing that soon I would get to cross over that sacred threshold. After we had both signed the recommend, he said my countenance had immediately changed, and that both the temple and I were glowing. I could feel it from the inside. I felt overjoyed and full of life in that moment. 

Flash forward a few weeks, and I'm finally being interviewed by my stake president. He had been away for a few weeks on a family vacation. It always amazes me that he knows who I am since I'm a convert and I didn't grow up in the Church. He interviewed me at the church building during our three hour block. Bishop Patron actually came to pull me out of the temple prep class to meet with President Jex. When I went back to class, everyone knew that I had my recommend all ready to go. I was so excited!

Bishop Patton and his wife were going to a wedding in Gilbert, Arizona; they invited me to go with them. They suggested I receive my endowments there, and then witness the sealing of their friend with them. I was all for it! We tried to arrange it with my Sisternaries, Kemp and Olsen, who were both home now from their missions. But it didn't really work out for them, so I told myself, "well, I could still go without them; but it wouldn't be the same." Besides, the ordinance is the same no matter where you go, so, it really didn't matter where I went so long as I had my friends there with me. Being the first member in my family, I knew that this was an experience I would not get to share with my family; so it was important to me that I got to share it with friends. 

Kemp was coming down to California for a week during her spring break anyway, so I thought it would be best to just arrange to go to the temple then. I decided on Friday, the 17th of April because Kemp would be here then; Sister Moore would be at the temple for her departing trip anyway, and I really wanted to see her, too! Olsen said she would make it down for that, and made arrangements, and every thing was good to go! 

Or so I thought! Turns out I would have a midterm on the 17th. I had to push my 9:00am session to the next one at 1:00pm; which meant I wouldn't get to see Sister Moore anymore. And then my professor said that if your last name was "A-J," you would take it from 9:30-10:30; and if your last name was "M-Z," you would take it from 10:30-11:30. I was freaking out because I was supposed to be at the temple at 11:30. But my professor allowed me to take it with the first group. She showed up late, and I was worried it would effect my punctuality. I imagined that if I was late to the temple, that I would have to do it later. I don't know if that's true because I ended up making to the temple by 10:45. I think my midterm went relatively well. I probably rushed through it, but I felt like I knew 90% of the material. 

When I got to the temple, I walked around a bit, and then met up with the Pattons, Kemp, Olsen, and another former SFV return missionary, Cottrell, at the Visitors' Center, and we kind of just killed some time by watching some videos there. 

By 11:15 we all figured we should start walking towards the temple. Kemp and Olsen wanted to take some pictures first. I'm not a fan of being in pictures because I feel like I usually end up looking stupid. Haha especially since my glasses always show a glare. But I indulged them. Haha 

When we went to the temple, all the workers there were super friendly. And they kept saying that it was all about me, and that I was a VIP, and so on; which made me a little uncomfortable because I'm not used to being the center of attention. Hahaha. But it wasn't so bad. Overall, they were just super friendly, so, I figured they probably do that for all own-endowment temple guests. 

Putting on my garments was the greatest feeling ever. I immediately felt the power that they have, and I have never felt so beautiful as I did in that moment. I did my initiatory, and after getting dressed, went to sit with Kemp and Olsen while we waited to hear from the temple matron. I tried to take it all in, and tried to process all that was said and promised to me. It was kind of overwhelming, but in a good way! 

When the three of us started talking, I felt so grateful to have them on either side of me. Here were two young ladies who traveled across a few state lines to be there with me, two young ladies who I admire and look up to, and who helped me to grow from the train wreck of a person I was before. I couldn't help but think that this was the way it was supposed to be. Not to say that it was destiny, because I don't believe in that, but I believe that God has a plan for us. Of course, our agency, our choices, can either get us closer or further away from His plan for us. I believe that me being at the temple with my missionaries was part of His plan for me. 

When we went up to the Creation room, and waited for the rest of the people to join us, I saw Sister Moore for a bit! It was awesome! I mean, I just waved to her from across the room, because she was leaving; so, I didn't really see her, but even that felt like a huge blessing!

When the session started, I felt so grateful that I had read the Book of Moses. It helps to understand so much! The whole time, I felt grateful that a member of the temple presidency allowed both Kemp and Olsen to be my escorts. Hahaha. Not to say that either of them was (or were?) lacking in their escorting abilities, but I had twice the amount of help, and I definitely felt like I needed it. Haha.

Upon crossing the veil, I felt a rejoicing in my heart because I made it into the Celestial room, a place I've been longing to go since that life-changing experience in the Gilbert, Arizona temple. And I saw a bunch of familiar faces standing in a half-circle, waiting for me. And that sight made me so happy, I felt like I could cry. But I didn't. Not a half a second later, I realize I was the center of attention again, and felt uncomfortable again, and I didn't know what to do, so I just said, "hi." And they all softly laughed at me. Haha I guess that's not normal. Everyone kept asking me how I felt, and I didn't even know how to put it into words. It's this incredible, slightly overwhelming, slightly confusing, but a mostly joyous experience. When you're in the temple, you start to realize just how much The Lord loves each and every one of us. I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend that love He has for us in this lifetime, but I know that through continual attendance to the temple, I can understand more, a little bit at a time.

Anyway, a few days later, I felt impressed to check my ancestry.com profile, as it's been a while since the last time I logged on. I had a few hints to review. My grandfather's name came up on a 1930 Mexican Census done in Sinaloa. The other names listed in that household matched the names of his parents. So, I asked my mom if her dad's family had ever lived in Sinaloa, and she said, "no, his family is from Jalisco, Guadalajara." And I was so confused, because as far as I had known, my mom's side of the family is from Durango, and Guadalajara has never been mentioned for my mom's side of the family. So, I was nearly heartbroken about it. I went back to look at the census, and looked at the other names in that household, and asked her if he had any siblings, and she started listing off the same ones that were on the Census. So, I asked again, "are you sure they never lived in Sinaloa?" And she was like, "OHHH!! Haha. I thought you were asking about your dad. Yes, they did."

So, I was able to take the names of my great-grandparents to the temple on the 23rd. As I was waiting for my turn in to the baptismal font, I sat there and just had the strongest impression that my great-grandparents were there with me. I could feel that they were pleased that I had joined the Church because it meant that they could have the work done for them now. And I felt overwhelmed with the Spirit, and I put my head down in my hands, and I just started crying and silently laughing in my happiness.
Something I realized yesterday, as I was sitting in sacrament meeting, listening to all the testimonies being given, was that I didn't cry when I was baptized, and I didn't cry when I received my endowments; but I did cry when I had that experience with my great-grandparents in the baptistery. I didn't realize it then, but I'm sure that I cried because these ordinances weren't just for me or about me; they were about my family. Yes, it's great that I joined the Church; in fact, it was the best decision I've ever made. And people are constantly telling me that my posterity will forever be grateful for me and the decision I've made, because I was the first; but I know that both sides of my family, both past, and future, are grateful for that. My children will be born in the Covenant, if I marry a solid member of the Church whom I can go and be sealed to in the temple for time and all eternity. And I know that (some, if not all of) my ancestors are desperately waiting for their turn to have the ordinances done for them. Finding them is going to be the hard part, but I know that I'll have help along the way!
So, this past Thursday, the 30th, I took my great-grandmother's name upstairs to do her initiatory. As I sat there waiting for my turn, I was thinking about the experience I had had the week before. And I started wondering, "how can I make it so that every name I am baptized for is that special to me? What can I do differently so that every person I'm being baptized for is that important to me?" And that's when it hit me; I went in with a different mentality because it was the name of a family member. I treated that name differently because I was her descendant. While I know I'm not actually related to the name I'm usually baptized for, I know that they are family members of someone. And I know that they are Spirit children of a Heavenly Father, as am I. And in that way, we are related. So, after I finished doing initiatories, I went back downstairs to the baptistery, and this week, I had been feeling a little under the weather; so, I didn't do baptisms. But I did do confirmations. Before they started, I reminded myself that these names were my Sisters from a Heavenly Mister, that these were the names of my Spirit family members. And boy, did that make a difference! I could feel that the veil was thin, and that they were full of gratitude towards me, for the fact I changed the way I looked at it, for the fact that I was not longer looking at it as some random people who died ages ago, but that I was now looking at it as my long lost relatives. There's a saying, "change your attitude, and you can change your life." I know that the same is true for the temple ordinances, only, if you change your attitude, you might change your experience. Not to say that you're going to have an amazing experience every time,  but I know it has helped me.

The temple has been such a huge blessing to me from the beginning. I know that it turbo-charged my conversion process. Haha. I have no doubts that I would still be a member today even if I had not gone on that temple trip last winter; but I think it'd would've taken me a lot longer to make that decision. I know that God gave me that amazing and overwhelming spiritual experience because He knew it would take a lot to convince me; I am pretty stubborn, after all. I think He knew that had I not gone on that temple trip, my investigating would have probably taken months.

Looking back at my life, I think it's funny that the things that I am internally fighting so hard are the things I end up loving the most. The harder I try to push away or distance myself from something, the more it means to me in the long run. I can say that about my travel experiences, I can say that about certain sports and activities, I can say that relationships, and now, I can say that about the Church. The "Mormon Church" literally weirded me out; I wanted NOTHING to do with it. I only bothered letting those Elders in because I didn't want to be rude. I was too afraid of being mean to them, that I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was not interested. And there were things about the Church that I had issues with. But I kept my very different opinions to myself, for the most part; but inside, I was struggling. I knew the way I felt in my heart, but the way I was thinking wasn't agreeing with what I was feeling. My intellectual side was fighting with my emotional reaction to the Church, But I started reading the Book of Mormon, and I attempted to give it a real chance, and I started praying; and slowly but surely, the intellectual side and the emotional side of me were agreeing. And then I had that experience in the Gilbert temple, and I knew that this was right. I knew that this was another one of those things that I fought against so hard, and that I would end up loving. And it has been. It has been such a blessing to me; and I cannot and do not want to imagine my life from here on out without the Church in it. Letting the Elders in that day in December 2013 was literally the best decision I have ever made, and I wasn't even happy with that decision at the time. Hahaha. Sometimes, the best things to happen to you are the things you didn't want to happen in the first place.

In this show I used to watch, "Parenthood," the matriarch of the family at one point tells her daughter-in-law, "I've never been so happy to be so wrong about anyone." I can't help but feel that way about the Church sometimes. Everything I knew, or everything I thought I knew, about the church was completely wrong. I'm constantly learning, constantly growing, constantly building my testimony of the restored church of Jesus Christ. And every time I go to the temple, I'm adding another brick to the foundation on which my testimony is mostly built upon. You'll constantly hear missionaries tell people to read the Book of Mormon, to pray about it, and if the Spirit tells them it's true, then that means Joseph Smith was a Prophet, then that means he really did restore the true church of Jesus Christ and all the keys of the Priesthood, and so on. And while I know all of that is true, I think for me, it kind of happened differently. I think I had a testimony of all that, but I don't think it was really solidified until I went to the Gilbert temple. In a way, my testimony worked backwards. I knew that the power of the Atonement I felt in the temple that day was real, I knew that the temple really was the House of the Lord, and I knew that the priesthood was necessary to perform the ordinances inside the temple, and then I knew Joseph Smith restored those keys, and then it confirmed to me that the Book of Mormon was true. For me, it all started with the temple, but it doesn't end there. As Elder J. Ballard Washburn once said many years ago, "we go to the temple to make covenants, but we go home to keep the covenants we have made." I know I must keep pressing forward, doing my best to keep my covenants, to follow the commandments, to be a disciple of Christ in all things and in all places. I just wanted to share my experiences with whoever felt like hearing about it. Haha.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough now.

Wishing you all the best,
          Reeree

"If You Believe All These Things See That Ye Do Them"

(Previously posted on my Facebook page on February 13th, 2015)

#SpiritualThoughtOfTheDay I just finished the book of Mosiah in the #BookofMormon. Chapter 26 talks about how some of the people who had just been baptized by Alma and his brethren were being led away from the Church and into sin by unbelievers. Being the high priest, Alma was asked by members of the Church to do something about it; so Alma turned to Heavenly Father and asked Him what he should do concerning these sinners. The Lord tells Alma that he and his brethren should teach the people to repent, ask forgiveness, and be baptized. Those who did would be judged according to their sins, and should then be forgiven. And those that did not repent would have their names blotted out. So, Alma and his brethren did as they were told.

"And now all these things did Alma and his fellow laborers do who were over the church, walking in all diligence, teaching the word of God in all things, suffering all manner of afflictions, being persecuted by those who did not belong to the church of God (verse 38)."

What stuck out to me most was that Alma and his comrades "[taught] the word of God in all things." To me, that means that they not only read or preached the principles taught in the scriptures, they LIVED the principles taught in the scriptures. And they didn't just do this when it was convenient for them; they did this all the time, even if it was not "cool" or not the "popular opinion." These guys were literally harassed for sharing their faith with others, but they kept doing it because they were commanded to, and they knew it was the right thing to do.

One of the members of the Granada Hills Stake Relief Society presidency recently told us (the YSA Relief Society), "if you love this gospel, live it (or something like that)."

In his October 2014 General Conference talk, "The Preparatory Priesthood," President Henry B Eyring said, "even more powerful than using words in our teaching the doctrine will be our examples of living the doctrine."

When we take upon ourselves the name of Christ, we are vowing to be like Him. We are committing to follow His ways, and live our His principles. We are committing to practice His loving attributes every hour of every day. It is not always an easy path, but it is always the right one.

I am so, so grateful that I made that commitment. I know that I will never be exactly like Him, but I know that I am trying, and that, my friends, makes all the difference.

:)

#ScriptureADayKeepsTheDevilAway #JesusChrist #ShareGoodness #ReadGoodness

(the scripture in the title is Mosiah 4:10 in the Book of Mormon)

It's my "Baptiversary!"

A year ago, today, I was baptized and I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I seriously cannot believe that it has been 365 days since then. It simultaneously feels like it was just yesterday and like it was a lifetime ago; I would argue that it feels like a lifetime ago because I was living a different life then. The choices I was making before I got baptized would currently have me on a very different path now had I continued to make those choices.

Last week, when I bore my testimony at our sacrament meeting, I had told my ward that without the temple trip last year, my conversion would've taken longer, or it might not have happened at all. But something my stake president said at our ward conference yesterday made me realize that that is just not true. He said something along the lines of "just as people on earth are sad that you've left when you die; people in heaven are sad when you're born." And it reminded me of this poem Sister Olsen had shared with me (it is so good!), but it also reminded me that I chose to follow God's plan in the pre-mortal life. I was a member of His Church then, and I wanted to come to earth to learn and progress and to follow the Savior and return to Him. I was set out to be a member of this Church from the beginning; it was only a matter of when. Recently, I was reading in the Book of Mormon, and I found a scripture that reiterated this idea for me. "And I bear record that the people of Nephi did seek diligently to restore the Lamanites unto the true faith in God (Enos 1:20). . . ."

I italicized the word "restore" because it really stuck out to me as I was reading this. The word basically means "to return or bring back to its former/original state." So, when I read this, it made me realize that at one point, the Lamanites believed in God. For whatever reason (wickedness, pride, bitterness, etc., I don't remember), the Lamanites had lost their faith in the Father. 

When we are born and cross the veil that separates our Heavenly home from this world, we lose our knowledge and memories of our Heavenly home. We forget our Heavenly Father, we forget we chose to follow Him, and we forget that we were already part of His church. Some of us grew up in the Church, so we are taught about the gospel from a young age, therefore some of us are restored to their faith before others. And some of us, including me, are those "others." We are those who didn't grow up with the gospel in our homes, who didn't know the truth. We needed to be restored to our faith later. 

Sometimes I wonder, "where would I be now if I had been a member sooner?" But I always think about the following three lyrics when I think about the way my life has gone. 

"Thank God for all I missed, because it led me here to this." -Darius Rucker, "This"

"I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved." - Carrie Underwood, "Good in Goodbye"

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks, "Unanswered Prayers"

My life has definitely not gone the way I would've expected it to, but I feel much happier with what I've got than I would've been had I gotten what I thought I wanted then. I know that God has a plan for each of us. He know what He's doing. He sees things differently than we do. We can only see today, but He sees what lies ahead for us. We just have to be patient, and faithful that whatever we're going through will be beneficial for us at some point. Someday, we're going to look back at the trials we're facing today and be glad for them. I never thought I would look back at all the things I've been through, and be able to say that I'm glad it happened. But now, I can. It has made me who I am; which I'd like to think is "a whole lot of tender, and little bit tough." :) 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I've been restored to my true faith. It's been a full year of this LDS life, and it has been a great one! And I know that while life not get any easier, it will still get better from here on out because I have the gospel!

Some picture-quotes that are food for thought!

A Year Since the "Spiritual Slap to the Face"

Yesterday marked a year since the day I walked through the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house for the second time (as I had walked through the night before), and I received what I call a "spiritual slap to the face." I've talked about this experience before (here), but to give you a short version, I was an investigator of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at the time, and a skeptical one at that. I wasn't sure if I had really believed any of what the Sisternaries had been teaching me, but I knew that I had felt good inside every time. They kindly urged me to go with the ward to the Gilbert temple open house, so I did. On the way there, I realized that I wanted to get baptized, but I wasn't fully committed to the idea just yet. I went through the first time, and it was incredible, but I didn't take it all in because we were kind of being rushed through it. The second time, I tried to walk a little bit slower, and I tried to take it all in. I said a silent prayer right before we walked through the Celestial room, and then I had a wonderful experience. All at once, I felt this peace and love from above that had been lacking in life. I felt the true and wonderful power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I gained a testimony of the love Christ has for us, and specifically me. When you are literally slapped in the face, your eyes tear up a little, and most often, you weren't expecting to be slapped, and you stand there in complete shock, unable to react to it. I call my experience a "spiritual slap to the face" because I had those "symptoms." And also because I am stubborn. Some people can feel gentle urges from the Spirit and know that the Church is true, but because I needed a little more convincing, I needed a bigger "sign." Just another testimony of the fact that Heavenly Father knows me, and each of us, so well!
Yesterday, I talked a bit about this as I shared my testimony. There were so many thoughts running through my head at the time, but I just let the Spirit guide me. And I shared a well-known quote by Oliver Wilde, and also a variation of it. The original is "every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future." But the variation I found on the internet added a few words.

Buy the patch here, if you want it.

Those words made this quote a hundred times more powerful to me than ever before. The quote itself gives people hope that they can be better than where they are now. But Christ is what provides that hope. Through the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the power to change ourselves for the better. I know that I've changed in the past year since I've been baptized. In the song, "Baptism," by Randy Travis, he says "down with the old man, up with the new." The baptismal waters wash away our sins, our mistakes, and our past. But they don't wash away our bad habits. When you make the decision to get baptized, you make the decision to commit to be better. As one of the Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Ezra Taft Benson, has said, "when you choose to follow Christ, you choose to be changed." Why? Because you choose to emulate him. You cannot be a follower of Christ without following and without living His principles. It takes time to do this; I know from experience. There are still bad habits that I'm working on. But God appreciates our effort in trying to change. "...it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23)." 

I know these things are true. I know that Christ has made all the difference in my life, and I know that if you are willing to accept Him into your life, He can make a difference in yours as well.  

Those "Sidewalk Prophets"

On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to have the YSA Sisternaries over for dinner.  I was so disappointed because I spent a good part of the day preparing my food several hours before the time I knew they would show up so it would all be perfect. And it was not. The food was still pretty decent, but it really got to me, and it was hard to enjoy their company during the actual dinner because I had my head so wrapped around the fact that the meal I had prepared didn't come out just right.

But, right after, I went with them to teach a lesson in Van Nuys. One the way there, we were listening to this mix CD I made them which contains music that "strikes me spiritual." Most of the songs were very obviously so, because they used words having directly to do with the gospel. But there are a few songs that are in no direct way spiritual, but they bring out the Spirit for me. One of the songs on there is "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Sisters French and Forbush were both singing along, when the latter said "I want to go do karaoke." And Sister French responded with, "Ha. Carrie-okie!" It was so funny! :)
Anyway, the guy they were teaching was referred to them by some other Elders in the area. He didn't actually let us in his house, so we all just stood on his doorstep talking in the dark. It was really hard to see his face, making it hard to tell if he was actually understanding what the Sisters were saying or just saying he understood. Especially considering the fact that every time they asked him a question, he would only give one- or two-word answers. But after they would explain one thing about our Church, he would ask to hear more. It was pretty awesome.

At one point they asked him if he believed in the prophets in The Bible, and if he believed in the possibility of prophets on the earth today. And he said that there could be a possibility. And then the Sisters asked me to share my testimony of how I came to know if there was a prophet on the earth today, and how I came to know that President Thomas S. Monson is the true and living prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ. And I told him that I prayed about it, and I got this feeling in my heart that felt right. And by reading the scriptures in both the Bible and in the Book of Mormon, and then going and reading the words President Monson has given, and how, to me, they were the same words I've read in the scriptures, just in modern terms. He testified of the same things that prophets of old had testified about. But, here's the embarrassing part, when I was trying to say "Thomas S. Monson," I called him "Spencer." I know that Spencer is his middle name, but I felt like a total idiot for forgetting his name, his first name! I felt like I had screwed up so bad. In my head, I was thinking, "Yeah, I'm sure this sounds questionable now if I can't even get the prophet's name right!" But it didn't seem to affect him negatively, because he still seemed interested.

Then, baptism came up, and he said he might be interested in the idea of being baptized, of course, after he can know for himself if any of this is true. But he told us he had been baptized before. When he said that, I immediately thought of the scripture that talks about how without the proper priesthood authority, the ordinances performed are kind of all for naught. I felt like I should just let them do the talking at that point, and Sister Forbush handled it so well! She talked about priesthood power, but he didn't seem to comprehend her "missionary lingo," so I tried to break it down in simpler terms, and then (I think) he got it. And he kept asking them to share more with them. It was pretty great. He even asked them how long would he have wait before he could be a "sidewalk prophet" like they are. Haha, not quite, but pretty close! I think it was a really good lesson. It was hard to gauge his interest, or the sincerity of his interest, at first, but I really do believe he is genuinely interested. He even agreed to come to sacrament meeting on Sunday. 

The Sisters are so inspiring. It's so great to see them at work. I know they believe with every fiber of their being that the things that they are "preaching" are true, as do I. Every time I read my scriptures, with real intent, with the desire to learn something from them, my testimony grows. Every time I feed the missionaries, and they share a spiritual thought with me, and it is exactly what I needed to hear without having them known prior to then, my testimony grows. Every time I get to share my beliefs with others, whether it is with the Sisters or on my own, my testimony grows. I am so, so grateful that I opened the door to the "sidewalk prophets" who were roaming through my neighborhood over a year ago. It's changed me for the better. And every time I help the Sisters teach a lesson, I hope that those people will see that, and want that for themselves. Recently, I started re-reading the Book of Mormon. It has been so great. The first time around I was really skeptical, but now, that I know it's the Word of God, I'm reading it with a much more open mind, and an open heart. Anyway, there's this chapter where the patriarch of the family, Lehi, has a vision of the tree of life, and its fruit basically represent God's love. And the following verse stuck out to me. 

1 Nephi 8:12 - "And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit."

If you experienced something as amazing as that, wouldn't you want to share it with your family? Lehi had the desire to share it his actual family; his wife. his sons, and their wives. When I read this, I thought about my immediate and extended family, but I also thought abut my Heavenly family. WE are children of a Heavenly Family, and I want us all to return to Him. I want everyone to be able to taste of the fruit. I want everyone to experience that wonderful and eternal love for themselves. To not share it would be selfish, and well, that wouldn't be very Christ-like, would it?

:)

Is it really worth it?

Lately, I feel like I've been bombarded by people who ask me if I ever miss coffee, alcohol, or tea. When I made the decision to get baptized, I made a covenant with Heavenly Father that I wouldn't partake of those things anymore because He has commanded us not to. And there are times where I do miss tea, sweet tea to be exact, and there are also times where I do miss my previous occasional "strong drink." And after I tell those who ask me about it that I do sometimes yearn for those drinks, I usually get this follow-up question: "what keeps you from doing it?" Usually, because it's the first thing that pops up, is that I refrain from doing it because I hardly did it anyway, and I know I'm better off without it. Alcohol is dangerous, and to this day, my father is still a prisoner to his vice. Knowing that alcoholism can be genetic, I've always been careful to not make my drinking a habit. So, that has been my go-to answer when people ask me why I don't drink alcohol anymore.
As far as the coffee, well, I never really liked it anyway. So, I have no problem staying away from that.
For me, the hardest of all to give up has been the tea. I love iced tea, especially sweet tea. So, that has been a struggle for me. Especially because it's all my mom seems to buy anymore. Our fridge is always stocked with some type of iced tea. And it is so hard for me to say no to that.
But what I've come to realize is that every time I have an opportunity to have alcohol or tea, or do any of the things I vowed not to do anymore since being baptized, I think to myself, "is it really worth it?" A brief moment of pleasure for my taste buds is a moment of blatant and conscious disobedience to God; a moment where I would be disappointing my Heavenly Father, therefore disappointing myself; a moment where I would forsake the promises I made to Him, and would be driving away the Holy Spirit.
I may have "lost" out a few things here and there by vowing to giving them up when I got baptized, but I gained so much more. I've gained the gift of the Holy Ghost, who comforts me and guides me and reveals to me what my Heavenly Father wants me to know. And through Jesus, I've gained a friend, I've gained forgiveness, and peace and love. And everyday, I seem to gain more. I've been given so much from my Heavenly Father. While the tea, coffee, and alcohol seemed like a huge sacrifice a year ago, it is no big deal now. Satan tries to tempt me into it every now and then, but when I measure up the pros and cons, what Satan is offering me doesn't even come close to all that my Heavenly Father has given me, and all that He promises to give me if I continue on the right path.

You need to hear this! :D

I love country music. It is everything to me. It's all I listen to. These days, most of the top country songs are what people like to call "bro country," meaning that it's about trucks and drinking and partying and whatnot. And I like those songs. They're fun. But when it's all that country radio is playing, it starts to feel like it's not country anymore.

But every now and then, a great song like this makes it onto country radio. A song with a message, a song with heart, a song with Spirit, and it reminds me why I ever started loving country music in the first place.

Now, this one hit real close to home because I got baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints not too long ago. While I'm most certain that this was not the Church that the writers were talking about, the message stays the same. The Gospel changes lives. It changed mine. And it is so refreshing to hear a song that talks about those experiences on the radio.

I definitely felt the Spirit as I was listening to this song for the first time. I felt so overpowered with the Spirit that I was brought to tears. And now it's been stuck in my head for days. I only hope this song gets the exposure it deserves. It is too good not to be shared, just like this Gospel. :)

I Spoke at Stake Conference (Conversion Story)

Sunday, September 14th, 2014

So, on the 7th, Bishop Patton reminded everyone during Relief Society that Stake Conference would be the following weekend. And he also announced that I would be speaking at Stake Conference, which was news to me. 
Apparently, the Stake leaders meant to ask me, but they never got around to it. But I agreed to do it nonetheless. :)
I was pretty nervous. The largest group of people I'd ever spoken in front of was my own ward, and there were at most fifty people there. At stake conference, there was probably over 200 people there. Saturday night, I was so worried about it, I hardly slept at all. I tossed and turned all night. And I was going to be the first speaker after all the opening business and sustainings and all that jazz! 
But I didn't have to do much to prepare because they only asked me to share my conversion story, which I apparently don't have written up all in one place. I guess it's spread out in pieces over many blog posts. My bad! Just as well! I, being the type of person to ramble on and on if I don't have a premeditated thought process, wrote out my conversion story for Stake Conference. And people say that you should be able to tell it off the top of your head, and I can, but I also had to speak for fifteen minutes, and I didn't think I'd be able to do that if I didn't prepare in advance. 

Here it goes: 

• When I heard I was going to be speaking today, two different thought processes ran through my mind. The first of which was panic. I’ve only given a talk before once, and funny enough, I actually volunteered to give that talk. And that walk was only in front of about 50 people, which is probably the largest group of people I’ve ever spoken in front of. So you can imagine how scary the thought of speaking in front of several hundred people at stake conference sounded to me. But the other thought I had was, “Wow. What an honor! I’ve only been a member about seven months, and I’m being asked to speak at stake conference?!” It blows my mind.
• Anyway, I just wanted to share my conversion story with y’all today. But before I get into how I joined the Church, I wanted to share some pieces of my life story with y’all. I know some people groan when they hear life stories from the pulpit, but I feel that there are essentials bits of my background that affected my conversion in one or another.
• I didn’t really grow up with a stable religious background. I went every now and then with my Catholic cousins for holiday mass. I sometimes went to a nondenominational church with my best friend and her family, until a tragedy struck their family, and their faith dissolved. In my own nuclear family, we seldom went to church. I can only remember going a handful of times. My father was, and still is, a raging alcoholic. In fact, I can’t even remember ever seeing him sober. But I’m sure he had his sober moments because those moments lead to our short visits to church. His sobriety never lasted long, therefore our church attendance wasn’t consistent. It didn’t take long to realize that my father didn’t take his faith seriously. So I kind of grew up thinking that religion was a joke. For the record, I did believe in God and Jesus Christ, but my faith was not whole-hearted. I never attempted to develop my faith and let it grow. And I’m sure this next bit of information has something to do with it, as well.
• When I was a child, I experienced a bit of a traumatic event. Because I was so young, and I wasn’t able to comprehend or process what had happened to me, I swept it under the carpet. And I tried to make myself forget about it. But when I was about 15, one small argument with my mom led to the explosion of that emotional powder keg. And I had a postponed reaction to that event, and used it as an excuse to do things that are inexcusable. A couple of months into my rebellious phase, I realized how much resentment I had towards the person responsible for that event, and others whom I thought had “done me wrong.” I realized I wanted to move on from all of that; I wanted to forgive those people, but even more so, I wanted to forgive myself for all the things I did in response to that event. From that point up until last year, I prayed constantly. I was always asking God for the ability to move on, the ability to forgive those, and the ability to forgive myself. I honestly never felt like anyone was listening to me, and I definitely didn’t feel like I was getting the answers to those prayers. Last fall, I felt like I had buried myself in a whole of regret and resentment. It was certainly my lowest point. I prayed again, but I wasn’t just praying for those three things I had always asked for. All of a sudden, I found myself praying for help, for guidance. I wanted to know how I could better live my life according to His will. I found myself having the desire to know Him better, and to attempt to develop that half-hearted faith.
• Recently, as I was reading in Alma 32, I realized that that desire made all the difference. By having that desire, I gave “place for a portion of [His] words;” meaning that I created room for a “seed [to] be planted in [my] heart (Alma 32:27-28).” And because I had “neglected the tree” over the years, because I had failed to nourish it, I could not “pluck of the fruit of the tree of life (Alma 32: 38-40).” That is, until I began to have that desire. I was finally humbling myself enough to want to find the truth in religion. I didn’t want to think that it was a joke anymore. And because of all of that, the Lord answered my prayers. I am convinced that He knew that my heart was willing to do what I needed to do, but my mind was not. He knew I wasn’t going to take myself to church. So He brought it to me.
• A short time after that prayer, a pair of Elders knocked on my door and asked if I was willing to hear a message about Jesus Christ. My mind said no, but I had the strongest feeling that I should say yes. So I invited them in, and, if I remember correctly, they taught me about the Restoration. I remember thinking how absurd it all sounded. But when they asked if they could come teach me again, I said yes. A few weeks later, they passed me off to the YSA sisters. The day I met them, they asked me if I would commit to being baptized, and I remember thinking, “Whoa! Slow your roll! I only just met you!” But I know that it was part of God’s plan to have them teach me, because they turned out to be some of my best friends.
• It was almost a month before I actually went to a sacrament meeting. And I honestly think it was my pride that got in the way. My mind was not willing to accept it yet. I’m the type of person that needs some kind of sign. I wasn’t asking for one, because I was still unsure if I really wanted one. I was still unsure I was really willing to commit to changing my ways.
• The ward invited me to go with them to the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house. The day before we left, the sisters had asked me to pray about something personal while inside the temple. On the drive over there, I was thinking a lot about whether I should get baptized. And they had asked me every time they taught me, but I’m a quitter by nature. So I never wanted to commit to it because I was honestly afraid that I would do it, and just walk away. On the way to Gilbert, I realized that there wasn’t any real reason to keep me from getting baptized. I knew that this felt different. This didn’t feel like something I was going to walk away from. There were still things that I didn’t understand about the Church, but I also knew that I had never felt the Spirit as strong as I had since I met the Elders.
• So I sent them a text message simply stating, “I think I’m ready.” And I didn’t specify, but they knew exactly what I was talking about. We were able to go through the open house twice. The first time, I completely forget to say that prayer because I was just so awestruck by how beautiful the building was.
• But the second time, I got to say that prayer in a stairwell, on the way to the Celestial room. And it was the same prayer I’ve made many times throughout the years. I finished it just as we were walking into the Celestial room. And I finally felt like I was free from the emotional burden from that traumatic event. I finally felt from the hurt, free from regret, free from the anger I had felt. It was all gone. I finally understood the Atonement. I finally understood the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me, the sacrifice He made for all of us. And once I knew that, I realized I didn’t need to have all the answers, but I knew in my heart that the Church was true, that the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ had been restored. And I knew I wanted to be a member of the church that built the temple where I finally received my answer. I knew I wanted to be a member of the Church that helped to free me from my past.
• I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. He loves us so much, He gave up His only Son to suffer for our sins, our pains, our transgressions, our afflictions.  He loves us so much, He restored His Church through Joseph Smith, and because of that, we have access to the power of the priesthood, we are able to do things just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did them. And we are able to receive modern day revelation from living prophets. I love this Church. I don’t know where I’d be right now without it; but now that it’s a part of my life, I don’t want to ever live without it. It means so much to me, and I’m so grateful that I was led to it, or that it was brought to me.
• And I say these things in the name of our Beloved Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen

Anyway, I had to continue to sit at the stand for the remainder of stake conference. I really had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't get up and leave. That kind of sucked. But, the next couple of speakers: the Stake Relief Society President (or was it counselor), the California -  San Fernando Mission President's wife, then the mission president himself, the Stake Patriarch, and the Stake President; gave such incredible talks. I learned so much from them. 

And by the time we got to the closing prayer, I could barely hold it anymore. But the man who gave the closing prayer gave such a long one, I wanted to leave before it was over. Haha. 

And a lot of people came up to talk to me, and they told me they were grateful to have heard my testimony, that they learned from me. A few people told me that they had a few of their own prayers answered in my story. I find it so amazing that I didn't really plan on teaching anything with my talk. It was almost entirely just about my life. But people learned from it anyway. You never know what kind of influence you have on people. 

Which reminds me, you should totally watch the new Mormon Message "You Never Know." It is so good! I definitely shed a few tears. 

I don't know why I bother posting this stuff because I think I only have one or two readers, if any at all. But I feel the need to share. And while I may not see the results of any of this right now, I hope that, in the long run, it helps someone out in whatever way it can. 

My Sister got Baptized!!

Sister Hacker and Sister Naylor broke the news to me on the third, which was Fast Sunday. And my sister had decided to get baptized on her birthday. So, she turned 17 today! Unfortunately, Sister Hacker got transferred yesterday, so she wasn't able to attend Sofia's baptism. But Sister Baxter is super nice!!

My mom and her boyfriend were about 20 minutes late to the baptism (no surprise there), and we had to stall some. My other sister and her boyfriend even went! I was super surprised to see they actually all came. It was amazing! The speakers gave really good talks on the Holy Ghost and Baptism. And the Missionary Moment was done by Elder Hansen (he baptized me a little over six months ago!) and his companion Elder Smith (I think). Sofia gave her testimony.

Sofia and Elder Burgess

Elder Pisa, Sofia, and Elder Burgess

Sister Naylor, Sofia, and Sister Baxter

Then we all went out for pupusas. :)

Fasting + Praying = Powerful Stuff!

It's Fast Sunday! It's my favorite day of the month! I love hearing my fellow brothers and sisters bear their testimonies and I love sharing mine as well. Since I've been baptized (which will have been six months ago this coming Saturday!), I've shared my testimony every month except June because, at the time, I was still working at Six Flags, and they were scheduling me on Sundays. But I think it's pretty good nonetheless. :)

Anyway, today I bore my testimony at the Reseda family ward. I talked a bit about the fact that because I'm a convert, there is a lot of stuff that I don't completely understand or that I can't explain to people when they ask me about the Church. But I have faith in those things because I know that the Church is true. And even though I don't understand those things, I know that they are the right things. I also talked a bit about how I've been praying for rain and cooler weather because we are experiencing a really bad drought and dry spell here in California, and my prayers were answered on Saturday night. After sacrament meeting was over, one of the members came up to me to share how she is a convert, and was baptized over 20 years ago. She said she loved my testimony because she understands exactly how I feel because she felt it then, too. She testified to me that someday I'll come to understand and to know other aspects of the church as she has.

As the chapel was being cleared out, the Reseda sisternaries and my sister Sofia stuck around for a bit.... But I'll come back to this... I left to YSA.

During the YSA ward sacrament meeting, I was listening to the testimonies being shared. And even though I had already bore my testimony at the Reseda ward, I was getting this prompting to share my testimony with this ward as well. I told the ward how much I love Fast Sundays because of the Spirit that is felt on those Sundays and because of the testimonies. I told them that whenever Fast Sundays come around, the first thoughts in my prayers are that my family would open their hearts up to the Church and that they'll become members some day. I then shared why the sisternaries and Sofia stuck around. . . They informed me that Sofia has made the decision to get baptized!! I testified of the power of fasting and prayers. I know Heavenly Father provides an answer to our prayer. It may not be the answer we were hoping for, and it might not even be an immediate answer, but we can always expect an answer.
(P.S. One of the girls, who visits our ward on the regular until she goes back to BYU-Idaho, told me she was grateful I bore my testimony. She told me she enjoys coming to YSA on Fast Sunday because my testimony is always a highlight of her visit. She is so sweet! And I'm glad I followed the prompting of the Spirit!)

Needless to say, I am super excited that my sister has made this decision. The other day I saw this video called, "Pioneers: Followers of Jesus Christ." And it's the condensed version of a talk called, "Modern Pioneers" that was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks in 1989. I read the talk and I saw the video, and they made me realized that I am a modern-day pioneer. I am the first in my family to accept the Gospel into my life, and I am the first convert. By following the commandments, and by honoring my baptismal covenants, I have been setting an example for my sister, and now she has made the decision to become a member as well. The best part about this, to me, is that I wasn't trying to be an example to her. I was just trying to better at being Christ-like because I promised Him I would try to be; which to me, really just reinforces that idea of being a good person even when you think no one is watching. Someone could be watching and you might be an example to them. It's better to be a good example than a bad one!

A Simple Sacrifice I Was Happy to Make

I have been dying to go hiking for the last couple of weeks. The girl who is now in charge of the ward FHE activities planned a nighttime hike for yesterday. I was really excited. To hike under the stars with my friends sounded awesome.
Literally, as I was leaving my house to start heading over to the girl's house (because we were all meeting there to carpool), I saw that I had a missed call from the Reseda Sisternaries around 7:40 pm. So, I called them back, and they sounded a little sad through the phone. They were wondering if I would help them teach a lesson at 8:00 pm. It was 7:50 pm. I told them I would help them, but I quickly realized I would probably be late to the night hike, or I'd end up missing it altogether.
Since I was already in the car, I told them I would just drive to the investigator's house and meet them there. It turns out he lives a few blocks away from me. I probably could have walked. Haha. It would've been a little faster since it took forever to find parking on the street. This investigator is actually getting baptized this coming Saturday. So, the Sisternaries just taught him about sacrament and what it means, and what it could do for us. They asked me to share my experience with baptism.

I got baptized 163 days ago, so on February 9th. :) I had decided that I wanted to get baptized on January 31st, well, I realized I had no reason not to get baptized; but I don't think that counts as desire. But when I went through the Gilbert, Arizona temple during their open house on both the 31st of January, and the 1st of February, I had such an incredible experience while I was in the temple. I felt all my burdens lifted, and I had a moment of clarity; and that's when I knew that the Church was true. Once I knew the Church was true, I knew I wanted to be a member of it!
On the 1st, after I had gotten home, the YSA Sisternaries came over to my house to talk about getting baptized. They told me that Sister Kemp would be getting transferred on the 25th. Basically, they said, "you don't have to get baptized right away, but if you want Sister Kemp to be there, it has to be soon. But, no pressure." Haha. Okay, they didn't say it like that. But that's how I took it. So I agreed to get baptized the following week on the 9th.
Even though I knew I wanted to get baptized, I felt rushed. I had second thoughts about doing it on that day right up until the last second when I got "dunked" into the water. But as soon as I was, I felt relieved. I knew I made the right choice. And I haven't looked back since. It has to be, quite honestly, the best decision I've ever  made because it's changed my life so much. And it has all been for the better. That choice has affected my life in more ways than I can count.

Obviously, I gave the investigator the short version of that story. But he liked that I said I was having second-thoughts about it, but that I don't regret it. I think maybe he was having second-thoughts about it, but was strengthened by my testimony; at least, that's what it seemed like to me. I hope I can be there on Saturday for his baptism, but I might have to work.

The lesson ended at 9:00 pm. I called the girl, and she said they were still up on the mountain. I thought, "maybe I can still make it?" I drove up there, and I didn't have service so I couldn't call someone to meet me so I could join them. So, I sat there for a bit, looked at the stars for a few minutes, and then I drove home.

Even though I wasn't able to hang out with the YSA, I don't regret helping the Sisternaries. I love helping them teach lessons, and I think the investigator enjoyed my testimony.
Likewise, even though I didn't think I was ready to get baptized so soon after having realized I even wanted to get baptized in the first place, I'm glad I did it then. I'm glad I didn't wait. I don't regret that either. I know everything worked out according to God's plan. :)

CONFIRMED!

AH! Today I was confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I received the gift of the Holy Ghost!

To be completely honest, I had forgotten all about it, and I was late to church. Haha! And I wasn't sure if I was supposed to close my eyes during the confirmation. Then after, I tried to walk away, but I was supposed to shake all the priesthood holders' hands. AWKWARD! But it was a really great feeling!

The gift of the Holy Ghost is truly an amazing gift. I pray that I can always live up to the standards necessary  so it never leaves me, for the Spirit "doth not dwelleth in unholy temples (Alma 34:36)!"

I got BAPTIZED! :)

Exactly one week after going through the Gilbert, Arizona temple, and realizing that the Church really is true in a whirlwind, I got baptized! I was able to have one of the original Elders who knocked on my door perform the baptism, Elder Hansen. His companion, Elder Sharp, was transferred to another area in the mission, and wasn't able to come. But I am grateful that at least one of them was able to come. 

Sister Olsen (left) and Sister Kemp (right) are the sister missionaries who taught me after Elder Sharp and Elder Hansen told me they work with families, and not Young Single Adults. LOL. This was before the baptism happened.

This was after, at Bishop Patton's house. Love these girls!