Grateful for Temples and Temple Ordinances

Wow. It's been a while since I've posted anything here. Not to say that nothing has happened, because a lot of exciting stuff has happened since my last post, but I guess between all the writing in my journal, in letters to friends, and in emails to my missionary friends, I neglected my blog. Haha.
So, be prepared, because this is gonna be a long one!

In early March, I was interviewed by my Bishop for a temple recommend on temple grounds. What an incredible experience! I had my eyes shifting between him and the main entrance of the temple, knowing that soon I would get to cross over that sacred threshold. After we had both signed the recommend, he said my countenance had immediately changed, and that both the temple and I were glowing. I could feel it from the inside. I felt overjoyed and full of life in that moment. 

Flash forward a few weeks, and I'm finally being interviewed by my stake president. He had been away for a few weeks on a family vacation. It always amazes me that he knows who I am since I'm a convert and I didn't grow up in the Church. He interviewed me at the church building during our three hour block. Bishop Patron actually came to pull me out of the temple prep class to meet with President Jex. When I went back to class, everyone knew that I had my recommend all ready to go. I was so excited!

Bishop Patton and his wife were going to a wedding in Gilbert, Arizona; they invited me to go with them. They suggested I receive my endowments there, and then witness the sealing of their friend with them. I was all for it! We tried to arrange it with my Sisternaries, Kemp and Olsen, who were both home now from their missions. But it didn't really work out for them, so I told myself, "well, I could still go without them; but it wouldn't be the same." Besides, the ordinance is the same no matter where you go, so, it really didn't matter where I went so long as I had my friends there with me. Being the first member in my family, I knew that this was an experience I would not get to share with my family; so it was important to me that I got to share it with friends. 

Kemp was coming down to California for a week during her spring break anyway, so I thought it would be best to just arrange to go to the temple then. I decided on Friday, the 17th of April because Kemp would be here then; Sister Moore would be at the temple for her departing trip anyway, and I really wanted to see her, too! Olsen said she would make it down for that, and made arrangements, and every thing was good to go! 

Or so I thought! Turns out I would have a midterm on the 17th. I had to push my 9:00am session to the next one at 1:00pm; which meant I wouldn't get to see Sister Moore anymore. And then my professor said that if your last name was "A-J," you would take it from 9:30-10:30; and if your last name was "M-Z," you would take it from 10:30-11:30. I was freaking out because I was supposed to be at the temple at 11:30. But my professor allowed me to take it with the first group. She showed up late, and I was worried it would effect my punctuality. I imagined that if I was late to the temple, that I would have to do it later. I don't know if that's true because I ended up making to the temple by 10:45. I think my midterm went relatively well. I probably rushed through it, but I felt like I knew 90% of the material. 

When I got to the temple, I walked around a bit, and then met up with the Pattons, Kemp, Olsen, and another former SFV return missionary, Cottrell, at the Visitors' Center, and we kind of just killed some time by watching some videos there. 

By 11:15 we all figured we should start walking towards the temple. Kemp and Olsen wanted to take some pictures first. I'm not a fan of being in pictures because I feel like I usually end up looking stupid. Haha especially since my glasses always show a glare. But I indulged them. Haha 

When we went to the temple, all the workers there were super friendly. And they kept saying that it was all about me, and that I was a VIP, and so on; which made me a little uncomfortable because I'm not used to being the center of attention. Hahaha. But it wasn't so bad. Overall, they were just super friendly, so, I figured they probably do that for all own-endowment temple guests. 

Putting on my garments was the greatest feeling ever. I immediately felt the power that they have, and I have never felt so beautiful as I did in that moment. I did my initiatory, and after getting dressed, went to sit with Kemp and Olsen while we waited to hear from the temple matron. I tried to take it all in, and tried to process all that was said and promised to me. It was kind of overwhelming, but in a good way! 

When the three of us started talking, I felt so grateful to have them on either side of me. Here were two young ladies who traveled across a few state lines to be there with me, two young ladies who I admire and look up to, and who helped me to grow from the train wreck of a person I was before. I couldn't help but think that this was the way it was supposed to be. Not to say that it was destiny, because I don't believe in that, but I believe that God has a plan for us. Of course, our agency, our choices, can either get us closer or further away from His plan for us. I believe that me being at the temple with my missionaries was part of His plan for me. 

When we went up to the Creation room, and waited for the rest of the people to join us, I saw Sister Moore for a bit! It was awesome! I mean, I just waved to her from across the room, because she was leaving; so, I didn't really see her, but even that felt like a huge blessing!

When the session started, I felt so grateful that I had read the Book of Moses. It helps to understand so much! The whole time, I felt grateful that a member of the temple presidency allowed both Kemp and Olsen to be my escorts. Hahaha. Not to say that either of them was (or were?) lacking in their escorting abilities, but I had twice the amount of help, and I definitely felt like I needed it. Haha.

Upon crossing the veil, I felt a rejoicing in my heart because I made it into the Celestial room, a place I've been longing to go since that life-changing experience in the Gilbert, Arizona temple. And I saw a bunch of familiar faces standing in a half-circle, waiting for me. And that sight made me so happy, I felt like I could cry. But I didn't. Not a half a second later, I realize I was the center of attention again, and felt uncomfortable again, and I didn't know what to do, so I just said, "hi." And they all softly laughed at me. Haha I guess that's not normal. Everyone kept asking me how I felt, and I didn't even know how to put it into words. It's this incredible, slightly overwhelming, slightly confusing, but a mostly joyous experience. When you're in the temple, you start to realize just how much The Lord loves each and every one of us. I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend that love He has for us in this lifetime, but I know that through continual attendance to the temple, I can understand more, a little bit at a time.

Anyway, a few days later, I felt impressed to check my ancestry.com profile, as it's been a while since the last time I logged on. I had a few hints to review. My grandfather's name came up on a 1930 Mexican Census done in Sinaloa. The other names listed in that household matched the names of his parents. So, I asked my mom if her dad's family had ever lived in Sinaloa, and she said, "no, his family is from Jalisco, Guadalajara." And I was so confused, because as far as I had known, my mom's side of the family is from Durango, and Guadalajara has never been mentioned for my mom's side of the family. So, I was nearly heartbroken about it. I went back to look at the census, and looked at the other names in that household, and asked her if he had any siblings, and she started listing off the same ones that were on the Census. So, I asked again, "are you sure they never lived in Sinaloa?" And she was like, "OHHH!! Haha. I thought you were asking about your dad. Yes, they did."

So, I was able to take the names of my great-grandparents to the temple on the 23rd. As I was waiting for my turn in to the baptismal font, I sat there and just had the strongest impression that my great-grandparents were there with me. I could feel that they were pleased that I had joined the Church because it meant that they could have the work done for them now. And I felt overwhelmed with the Spirit, and I put my head down in my hands, and I just started crying and silently laughing in my happiness.
Something I realized yesterday, as I was sitting in sacrament meeting, listening to all the testimonies being given, was that I didn't cry when I was baptized, and I didn't cry when I received my endowments; but I did cry when I had that experience with my great-grandparents in the baptistery. I didn't realize it then, but I'm sure that I cried because these ordinances weren't just for me or about me; they were about my family. Yes, it's great that I joined the Church; in fact, it was the best decision I've ever made. And people are constantly telling me that my posterity will forever be grateful for me and the decision I've made, because I was the first; but I know that both sides of my family, both past, and future, are grateful for that. My children will be born in the Covenant, if I marry a solid member of the Church whom I can go and be sealed to in the temple for time and all eternity. And I know that (some, if not all of) my ancestors are desperately waiting for their turn to have the ordinances done for them. Finding them is going to be the hard part, but I know that I'll have help along the way!
So, this past Thursday, the 30th, I took my great-grandmother's name upstairs to do her initiatory. As I sat there waiting for my turn, I was thinking about the experience I had had the week before. And I started wondering, "how can I make it so that every name I am baptized for is that special to me? What can I do differently so that every person I'm being baptized for is that important to me?" And that's when it hit me; I went in with a different mentality because it was the name of a family member. I treated that name differently because I was her descendant. While I know I'm not actually related to the name I'm usually baptized for, I know that they are family members of someone. And I know that they are Spirit children of a Heavenly Father, as am I. And in that way, we are related. So, after I finished doing initiatories, I went back downstairs to the baptistery, and this week, I had been feeling a little under the weather; so, I didn't do baptisms. But I did do confirmations. Before they started, I reminded myself that these names were my Sisters from a Heavenly Mister, that these were the names of my Spirit family members. And boy, did that make a difference! I could feel that the veil was thin, and that they were full of gratitude towards me, for the fact I changed the way I looked at it, for the fact that I was not longer looking at it as some random people who died ages ago, but that I was now looking at it as my long lost relatives. There's a saying, "change your attitude, and you can change your life." I know that the same is true for the temple ordinances, only, if you change your attitude, you might change your experience. Not to say that you're going to have an amazing experience every time,  but I know it has helped me.

The temple has been such a huge blessing to me from the beginning. I know that it turbo-charged my conversion process. Haha. I have no doubts that I would still be a member today even if I had not gone on that temple trip last winter; but I think it'd would've taken me a lot longer to make that decision. I know that God gave me that amazing and overwhelming spiritual experience because He knew it would take a lot to convince me; I am pretty stubborn, after all. I think He knew that had I not gone on that temple trip, my investigating would have probably taken months.

Looking back at my life, I think it's funny that the things that I am internally fighting so hard are the things I end up loving the most. The harder I try to push away or distance myself from something, the more it means to me in the long run. I can say that about my travel experiences, I can say that about certain sports and activities, I can say that relationships, and now, I can say that about the Church. The "Mormon Church" literally weirded me out; I wanted NOTHING to do with it. I only bothered letting those Elders in because I didn't want to be rude. I was too afraid of being mean to them, that I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was not interested. And there were things about the Church that I had issues with. But I kept my very different opinions to myself, for the most part; but inside, I was struggling. I knew the way I felt in my heart, but the way I was thinking wasn't agreeing with what I was feeling. My intellectual side was fighting with my emotional reaction to the Church, But I started reading the Book of Mormon, and I attempted to give it a real chance, and I started praying; and slowly but surely, the intellectual side and the emotional side of me were agreeing. And then I had that experience in the Gilbert temple, and I knew that this was right. I knew that this was another one of those things that I fought against so hard, and that I would end up loving. And it has been. It has been such a blessing to me; and I cannot and do not want to imagine my life from here on out without the Church in it. Letting the Elders in that day in December 2013 was literally the best decision I have ever made, and I wasn't even happy with that decision at the time. Hahaha. Sometimes, the best things to happen to you are the things you didn't want to happen in the first place.

In this show I used to watch, "Parenthood," the matriarch of the family at one point tells her daughter-in-law, "I've never been so happy to be so wrong about anyone." I can't help but feel that way about the Church sometimes. Everything I knew, or everything I thought I knew, about the church was completely wrong. I'm constantly learning, constantly growing, constantly building my testimony of the restored church of Jesus Christ. And every time I go to the temple, I'm adding another brick to the foundation on which my testimony is mostly built upon. You'll constantly hear missionaries tell people to read the Book of Mormon, to pray about it, and if the Spirit tells them it's true, then that means Joseph Smith was a Prophet, then that means he really did restore the true church of Jesus Christ and all the keys of the Priesthood, and so on. And while I know all of that is true, I think for me, it kind of happened differently. I think I had a testimony of all that, but I don't think it was really solidified until I went to the Gilbert temple. In a way, my testimony worked backwards. I knew that the power of the Atonement I felt in the temple that day was real, I knew that the temple really was the House of the Lord, and I knew that the priesthood was necessary to perform the ordinances inside the temple, and then I knew Joseph Smith restored those keys, and then it confirmed to me that the Book of Mormon was true. For me, it all started with the temple, but it doesn't end there. As Elder J. Ballard Washburn once said many years ago, "we go to the temple to make covenants, but we go home to keep the covenants we have made." I know I must keep pressing forward, doing my best to keep my covenants, to follow the commandments, to be a disciple of Christ in all things and in all places. I just wanted to share my experiences with whoever felt like hearing about it. Haha.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough now.

Wishing you all the best,
          Reeree

A Year Since the "Spiritual Slap to the Face"

Yesterday marked a year since the day I walked through the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house for the second time (as I had walked through the night before), and I received what I call a "spiritual slap to the face." I've talked about this experience before (here), but to give you a short version, I was an investigator of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at the time, and a skeptical one at that. I wasn't sure if I had really believed any of what the Sisternaries had been teaching me, but I knew that I had felt good inside every time. They kindly urged me to go with the ward to the Gilbert temple open house, so I did. On the way there, I realized that I wanted to get baptized, but I wasn't fully committed to the idea just yet. I went through the first time, and it was incredible, but I didn't take it all in because we were kind of being rushed through it. The second time, I tried to walk a little bit slower, and I tried to take it all in. I said a silent prayer right before we walked through the Celestial room, and then I had a wonderful experience. All at once, I felt this peace and love from above that had been lacking in life. I felt the true and wonderful power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I gained a testimony of the love Christ has for us, and specifically me. When you are literally slapped in the face, your eyes tear up a little, and most often, you weren't expecting to be slapped, and you stand there in complete shock, unable to react to it. I call my experience a "spiritual slap to the face" because I had those "symptoms." And also because I am stubborn. Some people can feel gentle urges from the Spirit and know that the Church is true, but because I needed a little more convincing, I needed a bigger "sign." Just another testimony of the fact that Heavenly Father knows me, and each of us, so well!
Yesterday, I talked a bit about this as I shared my testimony. There were so many thoughts running through my head at the time, but I just let the Spirit guide me. And I shared a well-known quote by Oliver Wilde, and also a variation of it. The original is "every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future." But the variation I found on the internet added a few words.

Buy the patch here, if you want it.

Those words made this quote a hundred times more powerful to me than ever before. The quote itself gives people hope that they can be better than where they are now. But Christ is what provides that hope. Through the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the power to change ourselves for the better. I know that I've changed in the past year since I've been baptized. In the song, "Baptism," by Randy Travis, he says "down with the old man, up with the new." The baptismal waters wash away our sins, our mistakes, and our past. But they don't wash away our bad habits. When you make the decision to get baptized, you make the decision to commit to be better. As one of the Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Ezra Taft Benson, has said, "when you choose to follow Christ, you choose to be changed." Why? Because you choose to emulate him. You cannot be a follower of Christ without following and without living His principles. It takes time to do this; I know from experience. There are still bad habits that I'm working on. But God appreciates our effort in trying to change. "...it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23)." 

I know these things are true. I know that Christ has made all the difference in my life, and I know that if you are willing to accept Him into your life, He can make a difference in yours as well.  

I Spoke at Stake Conference (Conversion Story)

Sunday, September 14th, 2014

So, on the 7th, Bishop Patton reminded everyone during Relief Society that Stake Conference would be the following weekend. And he also announced that I would be speaking at Stake Conference, which was news to me. 
Apparently, the Stake leaders meant to ask me, but they never got around to it. But I agreed to do it nonetheless. :)
I was pretty nervous. The largest group of people I'd ever spoken in front of was my own ward, and there were at most fifty people there. At stake conference, there was probably over 200 people there. Saturday night, I was so worried about it, I hardly slept at all. I tossed and turned all night. And I was going to be the first speaker after all the opening business and sustainings and all that jazz! 
But I didn't have to do much to prepare because they only asked me to share my conversion story, which I apparently don't have written up all in one place. I guess it's spread out in pieces over many blog posts. My bad! Just as well! I, being the type of person to ramble on and on if I don't have a premeditated thought process, wrote out my conversion story for Stake Conference. And people say that you should be able to tell it off the top of your head, and I can, but I also had to speak for fifteen minutes, and I didn't think I'd be able to do that if I didn't prepare in advance. 

Here it goes: 

• When I heard I was going to be speaking today, two different thought processes ran through my mind. The first of which was panic. I’ve only given a talk before once, and funny enough, I actually volunteered to give that talk. And that walk was only in front of about 50 people, which is probably the largest group of people I’ve ever spoken in front of. So you can imagine how scary the thought of speaking in front of several hundred people at stake conference sounded to me. But the other thought I had was, “Wow. What an honor! I’ve only been a member about seven months, and I’m being asked to speak at stake conference?!” It blows my mind.
• Anyway, I just wanted to share my conversion story with y’all today. But before I get into how I joined the Church, I wanted to share some pieces of my life story with y’all. I know some people groan when they hear life stories from the pulpit, but I feel that there are essentials bits of my background that affected my conversion in one or another.
• I didn’t really grow up with a stable religious background. I went every now and then with my Catholic cousins for holiday mass. I sometimes went to a nondenominational church with my best friend and her family, until a tragedy struck their family, and their faith dissolved. In my own nuclear family, we seldom went to church. I can only remember going a handful of times. My father was, and still is, a raging alcoholic. In fact, I can’t even remember ever seeing him sober. But I’m sure he had his sober moments because those moments lead to our short visits to church. His sobriety never lasted long, therefore our church attendance wasn’t consistent. It didn’t take long to realize that my father didn’t take his faith seriously. So I kind of grew up thinking that religion was a joke. For the record, I did believe in God and Jesus Christ, but my faith was not whole-hearted. I never attempted to develop my faith and let it grow. And I’m sure this next bit of information has something to do with it, as well.
• When I was a child, I experienced a bit of a traumatic event. Because I was so young, and I wasn’t able to comprehend or process what had happened to me, I swept it under the carpet. And I tried to make myself forget about it. But when I was about 15, one small argument with my mom led to the explosion of that emotional powder keg. And I had a postponed reaction to that event, and used it as an excuse to do things that are inexcusable. A couple of months into my rebellious phase, I realized how much resentment I had towards the person responsible for that event, and others whom I thought had “done me wrong.” I realized I wanted to move on from all of that; I wanted to forgive those people, but even more so, I wanted to forgive myself for all the things I did in response to that event. From that point up until last year, I prayed constantly. I was always asking God for the ability to move on, the ability to forgive those, and the ability to forgive myself. I honestly never felt like anyone was listening to me, and I definitely didn’t feel like I was getting the answers to those prayers. Last fall, I felt like I had buried myself in a whole of regret and resentment. It was certainly my lowest point. I prayed again, but I wasn’t just praying for those three things I had always asked for. All of a sudden, I found myself praying for help, for guidance. I wanted to know how I could better live my life according to His will. I found myself having the desire to know Him better, and to attempt to develop that half-hearted faith.
• Recently, as I was reading in Alma 32, I realized that that desire made all the difference. By having that desire, I gave “place for a portion of [His] words;” meaning that I created room for a “seed [to] be planted in [my] heart (Alma 32:27-28).” And because I had “neglected the tree” over the years, because I had failed to nourish it, I could not “pluck of the fruit of the tree of life (Alma 32: 38-40).” That is, until I began to have that desire. I was finally humbling myself enough to want to find the truth in religion. I didn’t want to think that it was a joke anymore. And because of all of that, the Lord answered my prayers. I am convinced that He knew that my heart was willing to do what I needed to do, but my mind was not. He knew I wasn’t going to take myself to church. So He brought it to me.
• A short time after that prayer, a pair of Elders knocked on my door and asked if I was willing to hear a message about Jesus Christ. My mind said no, but I had the strongest feeling that I should say yes. So I invited them in, and, if I remember correctly, they taught me about the Restoration. I remember thinking how absurd it all sounded. But when they asked if they could come teach me again, I said yes. A few weeks later, they passed me off to the YSA sisters. The day I met them, they asked me if I would commit to being baptized, and I remember thinking, “Whoa! Slow your roll! I only just met you!” But I know that it was part of God’s plan to have them teach me, because they turned out to be some of my best friends.
• It was almost a month before I actually went to a sacrament meeting. And I honestly think it was my pride that got in the way. My mind was not willing to accept it yet. I’m the type of person that needs some kind of sign. I wasn’t asking for one, because I was still unsure if I really wanted one. I was still unsure I was really willing to commit to changing my ways.
• The ward invited me to go with them to the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house. The day before we left, the sisters had asked me to pray about something personal while inside the temple. On the drive over there, I was thinking a lot about whether I should get baptized. And they had asked me every time they taught me, but I’m a quitter by nature. So I never wanted to commit to it because I was honestly afraid that I would do it, and just walk away. On the way to Gilbert, I realized that there wasn’t any real reason to keep me from getting baptized. I knew that this felt different. This didn’t feel like something I was going to walk away from. There were still things that I didn’t understand about the Church, but I also knew that I had never felt the Spirit as strong as I had since I met the Elders.
• So I sent them a text message simply stating, “I think I’m ready.” And I didn’t specify, but they knew exactly what I was talking about. We were able to go through the open house twice. The first time, I completely forget to say that prayer because I was just so awestruck by how beautiful the building was.
• But the second time, I got to say that prayer in a stairwell, on the way to the Celestial room. And it was the same prayer I’ve made many times throughout the years. I finished it just as we were walking into the Celestial room. And I finally felt like I was free from the emotional burden from that traumatic event. I finally felt from the hurt, free from regret, free from the anger I had felt. It was all gone. I finally understood the Atonement. I finally understood the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me, the sacrifice He made for all of us. And once I knew that, I realized I didn’t need to have all the answers, but I knew in my heart that the Church was true, that the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ had been restored. And I knew I wanted to be a member of the church that built the temple where I finally received my answer. I knew I wanted to be a member of the Church that helped to free me from my past.
• I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. He loves us so much, He gave up His only Son to suffer for our sins, our pains, our transgressions, our afflictions.  He loves us so much, He restored His Church through Joseph Smith, and because of that, we have access to the power of the priesthood, we are able to do things just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did them. And we are able to receive modern day revelation from living prophets. I love this Church. I don’t know where I’d be right now without it; but now that it’s a part of my life, I don’t want to ever live without it. It means so much to me, and I’m so grateful that I was led to it, or that it was brought to me.
• And I say these things in the name of our Beloved Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen

Anyway, I had to continue to sit at the stand for the remainder of stake conference. I really had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't get up and leave. That kind of sucked. But, the next couple of speakers: the Stake Relief Society President (or was it counselor), the California -  San Fernando Mission President's wife, then the mission president himself, the Stake Patriarch, and the Stake President; gave such incredible talks. I learned so much from them. 

And by the time we got to the closing prayer, I could barely hold it anymore. But the man who gave the closing prayer gave such a long one, I wanted to leave before it was over. Haha. 

And a lot of people came up to talk to me, and they told me they were grateful to have heard my testimony, that they learned from me. A few people told me that they had a few of their own prayers answered in my story. I find it so amazing that I didn't really plan on teaching anything with my talk. It was almost entirely just about my life. But people learned from it anyway. You never know what kind of influence you have on people. 

Which reminds me, you should totally watch the new Mormon Message "You Never Know." It is so good! I definitely shed a few tears. 

I don't know why I bother posting this stuff because I think I only have one or two readers, if any at all. But I feel the need to share. And while I may not see the results of any of this right now, I hope that, in the long run, it helps someone out in whatever way it can. 

The Temple Open House in Gilbert, Arizona

The Northridge Young Single Adults Ward invited me to go to the Gilbert, Arizona Temple open house. It was AMAZING! It is the prettiest building I have ever been in! The feelings I felt in that place confirmed for me my decision to get baptized! 

These stained-glass windows are even prettier on the inside of the building!

We went through it on Friday night (the 31st of January), and on Saturday morning.