"Due to Inactivity, Your Blessings Have Been Suspended"

***(This post was started around October)***
The last couple of months, I have not only been inactive on this blog, I have also been less-active in the Church. I've never really been that great at reading the scriptures everyday or saying prayers twice a day, before meals, and as needed. I could make excuses, but I don't find them to be good enough. Sometimes, I just get lazy, and I choose to do silly things over spiritual things. But I didn't think that I was being less-active; I just thought I wasn't being proactive enough.
And then I was asked to be an ordinance worker at the temple. It came as a huge surprise to me. Not only was I willing to do it; I was excited, and honored to do it. But during my interview with the temple presidency, I got the impression that I would only be able to be an ordinance worker if I went in for the Saturday evening shift. And I happily agreed to this. My boss, on the other hand, was none too pleased because I already had Sundays off for church. We comprised, and I started coming in to work either before the three hour block, or after; and I would get Saturdays off. So, I began to work at the temple in mid-September.
I enjoy working at the temple more than I expected to. It has brought so much happiness and peace into my life, as well as greater understanding of the sacred ordinances performed in the temple. I've learned so much more from reading and studying the ordinance material than I have going to the temple as a patron. And I've met really great, loving, incredibly kind, and genuinely interesting people. I've learned so much from them!
But as great as Saturdays have been, my Sundays have been somewhat less that spectacular. I actually enjoy my job, and I especially enjoy my coworkers. All around, I'm pretty happy there. But I almost always end up staying at work later than I'm scheduled, which I usually don't mind, but I do mind on Sundays because it either prevents me from going to going to church, or it makes me extremely late.
So, I've pretty much missed church because I've been working at the temple. It's a strange feeling, to say the least.

***(Finally continuing this post, in January...)***

Since I began writing this post, a lot has happened. For starters, I switched from a Saturday shift at the temple to a Thursday night shift. I didn't really feel comfortable being an ordinance worker knowing I wasn't consistently going to church. And I also got called to be a Relief Society teacher. So, I really needed to be at church. I went back to having Sundays off at work, and I began working at the temple Thursday nights.
At first, I was a little bummed about leaving the Saturday night shift because most of the workers on that shift are near my age, and most of the workers on the Thursday night shifts are a lot older; I was worried that I would feel a little out of place. But I took a liking to those cute, little, old ladies! They are so sweet, and I love hearing their stories! I'm quite happy that I am on the Thursday night shift now.

But even with me working at the temple, and even though I feel worthy to do that, and worthy to enter the temple in the first place; at times, I still feel like I'm not active enough in the gospel.
A member of the L.A. Temple presidency said something to us a while back that I think about quite often. He mentioned that the correct way to be baptized is the way the Savior, Himself, was baptized; by full immersion. Every part of His body went under the water, and when we are baptized, every part of our bodies must also go under the water. Like Him, we must also be fully immersed. If we aren't fully immersed in the water during our baptism, it has to be done again. He then asked us if we were fully immersed in the gospel. And that really struck a chord with me.

It really made me question myself and my spiritual progress. Do my daily habits include enough prayers, or scripture studies? Are the things I watch or listen to good things, or do they drive away the Spirit? Would I be embarrassed or ashamed to be seen watching/listening to that particular thing if my Bishop was there? If my Savior was there? Similarly, are the words I use something to be proud of or something to ashamed of?

Lately, I've been feeling like life has been a little harder on me. And I believe it has every thing to do with the fact that I haven't been fully immersed in the gospel. I've been inactive in certain aspects of the spiritual things in my life; and I have felt the consequences of that. 

This reminded me of previous time in my life where the cable bill, or the cell phone bill wasn't paid on time, and you would either see a little window on your TV screen, or hear a message when you tried to make a phone call that told you that your account had been temporarily suspended because you failed to pay your bill on time.  

I felt that I was experiencing this with blessings from God. I felt like, because I had failed to do all the things I was supposed to be doing, I wasn't experiencing the usual blessings I had grown accustomed to. And I didn't really feel surprised because I felt I had brought it onto myself. I recognized that if I didn't make corrections in my life, I would continue having a difficult life. That is not to say that I wouldn't still have difficulties, but I know if I tried to do the right things, then I would be blessed for it. I know that with a little faith, and a little action on my part, my life would feel a lot better.

 And as I have tried to be more active in spiritual things, I have already seen some blessings restored. 

On Personal Progress

So the YSA Sisternaries recently asked me to start working  on the Young Womens Personal Progress program.
I honestly didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, when my sister told me her family ward was making her do that, I felt like I dodged a bullet by joining the Church as an adult because that meant I would get to skip out on all that extra work.
On the other hand, since joining, I've wondered how different my teen years might have been had I grown up with "For the Strength of Youth" and the other youth programs. So, part of me was annoyed because now I would have all this extra stuff to do, and I'm a little old to be toting around a Personal Progress notebook. Actually, when I went to the YSA temple baptism night, and I pulled it out to read and get started on one of the projects, people were giving me funny looks as if I am this sort of loser who is well past 18, and who still hasn't finished it. I felt like I flunked a grade, and every one knew it.
But, to their credit, once I told them I was a convert, and that my missionaries asked me to work on it, they changed their demeanor, and were eager to answer any questions I had.
Anyway, the sisters asked me to work on it, and to pick a value based on which attribute I scored lowest on in Preach My Gospel. So, I ended up picking Choice and Accountability. And it has been a real challenge. Even before they asked me to work on this, I have been struggling with making my scripture study and personal prayers a priority. I'm not really sure where I started slipping because I used to read the scriptures daily, and praying, well, I've never really been good at that, but I did it at least once a day. And now, I'm ashamed to say it's once every other day or so.
And I can feel that as I slip in these areas, I'm starting to feel less and less worthy to pray. And it makes it that much harder to do it. I know that this is the adversary at work, that he would have me believe that I am not worthy to pray, that I don't have time to pray, that I'm too tired to pray, etc., and praying is something that has always been difficult for me, and he's trying, and succeeding at making it harder for me.
The other day I reread my patriarchal blessing, and it says for me to make prayer a priority, to read the scriptures often, and to read the words of the modern prophets and leaders whenever it's made available. And I remember that at the time that my patriarchal blessing was given, I thought that that stuff was so obvious and that I didn't need to be told about that. But now that I am struggling in those areas, I see why the Lord gave that counsel. How foolish of me to think that I would never stop reading my scriptures, and stop praying. How foolish of me to think that the counsel given to me then wouldn't be useful to me someday. But how grateful am I now to have that counsel now when I really need it!
I know that when the Sisters proposed I take this on, I wasn't too thrilled about it. And it has been really difficult to do Personal Progress on top of every thing else I'm trying to work on. But I am so grateful that they did suggest it. I was struggling with scripture study and personal prayer before and I wasn't sure how to get back in the habit of it. With their help and their guidance, I have found a way. I don't think it's something I'll finish in a timely manner, but I feel like as long as I make a little bit of progress daily, then I'll be alright. :)
Peace out, y'all.