"And this we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of this pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things."
As I mentioned in my last post, I've been struggling a lot with doing the things I know I should be doing. I feel like I'm not only failing in Scripture studies and personal prayers; I feel like I'm failing in other areas as well. I feel like I'm struggling with reverence. I feel like I'm struggling with Sabbath Day observance. I feel like I'm not making the best choices.
With these challenges, and the consequential reduction of prayers and scripture study on my behalf, I feel like more questions have arisen. I feel like I'm questioning things I once felt sure about. And the timing of this could not be any worse.
I've started working on my mission papers, and because of all these struggles I'm having, I feel like I'm doubting whether I can be an effective missionary. I'm questioning whether I can do this. Part of me thinks that this is exactly what the adversary would have me believe. He wants me to feel like a failure.
And I guess that's why that verse spoke to me today. If I allow the adversary to creep in, if I allow him to lead me away, I can expect to have a harder life than the one I had before I was a member. I can expect to face to worse from my Heavenly Father. He is more forgiving to those who have transgressed without knowledge of His full gospel than He is to those who knew it and have forsaken it. I don't want to be one of those people is slow to remember their Father. I don't want to become one of those people who slips away. I know I need to make some changes in my life; and that starts by putting Him first AGAIN. Somewhere along the lines I let Him go from my first priority to another number on my list. And that has got to change.
It's been said by some that if you aren't progressing, then you are retrogressing. This whole experience has taught me that that is true.
But you know what else I've learned? Experiences like this may be a test of faith, but these are the types of experiences that bring you closer to the Father and the Savior. I wouldn't have joined the Church without an experience like this because that experience humbled me. I didn't think I needed religion until I had nothing else to fall back on but what little faith I had. While these experiences are challenging in the moment, the weight of the load can be made lighter through Jesus Christ. And, my goodness, I'm truly grateful for that!
With these challenges, and the consequential reduction of prayers and scripture study on my behalf, I feel like more questions have arisen. I feel like I'm questioning things I once felt sure about. And the timing of this could not be any worse.
I've started working on my mission papers, and because of all these struggles I'm having, I feel like I'm doubting whether I can be an effective missionary. I'm questioning whether I can do this. Part of me thinks that this is exactly what the adversary would have me believe. He wants me to feel like a failure.
And I guess that's why that verse spoke to me today. If I allow the adversary to creep in, if I allow him to lead me away, I can expect to have a harder life than the one I had before I was a member. I can expect to face to worse from my Heavenly Father. He is more forgiving to those who have transgressed without knowledge of His full gospel than He is to those who knew it and have forsaken it. I don't want to be one of those people is slow to remember their Father. I don't want to become one of those people who slips away. I know I need to make some changes in my life; and that starts by putting Him first AGAIN. Somewhere along the lines I let Him go from my first priority to another number on my list. And that has got to change.
It's been said by some that if you aren't progressing, then you are retrogressing. This whole experience has taught me that that is true.
But you know what else I've learned? Experiences like this may be a test of faith, but these are the types of experiences that bring you closer to the Father and the Savior. I wouldn't have joined the Church without an experience like this because that experience humbled me. I didn't think I needed religion until I had nothing else to fall back on but what little faith I had. While these experiences are challenging in the moment, the weight of the load can be made lighter through Jesus Christ. And, my goodness, I'm truly grateful for that!
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