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I Spoke at Stake Conference (Conversion Story)

Sunday, September 14th, 2014

So, on the 7th, Bishop Patton reminded everyone during Relief Society that Stake Conference would be the following weekend. And he also announced that I would be speaking at Stake Conference, which was news to me. 
Apparently, the Stake leaders meant to ask me, but they never got around to it. But I agreed to do it nonetheless. :)
I was pretty nervous. The largest group of people I'd ever spoken in front of was my own ward, and there were at most fifty people there. At stake conference, there was probably over 200 people there. Saturday night, I was so worried about it, I hardly slept at all. I tossed and turned all night. And I was going to be the first speaker after all the opening business and sustainings and all that jazz! 
But I didn't have to do much to prepare because they only asked me to share my conversion story, which I apparently don't have written up all in one place. I guess it's spread out in pieces over many blog posts. My bad! Just as well! I, being the type of person to ramble on and on if I don't have a premeditated thought process, wrote out my conversion story for Stake Conference. And people say that you should be able to tell it off the top of your head, and I can, but I also had to speak for fifteen minutes, and I didn't think I'd be able to do that if I didn't prepare in advance. 

Here it goes: 

• When I heard I was going to be speaking today, two different thought processes ran through my mind. The first of which was panic. I’ve only given a talk before once, and funny enough, I actually volunteered to give that talk. And that walk was only in front of about 50 people, which is probably the largest group of people I’ve ever spoken in front of. So you can imagine how scary the thought of speaking in front of several hundred people at stake conference sounded to me. But the other thought I had was, “Wow. What an honor! I’ve only been a member about seven months, and I’m being asked to speak at stake conference?!” It blows my mind.
• Anyway, I just wanted to share my conversion story with y’all today. But before I get into how I joined the Church, I wanted to share some pieces of my life story with y’all. I know some people groan when they hear life stories from the pulpit, but I feel that there are essentials bits of my background that affected my conversion in one or another.
• I didn’t really grow up with a stable religious background. I went every now and then with my Catholic cousins for holiday mass. I sometimes went to a nondenominational church with my best friend and her family, until a tragedy struck their family, and their faith dissolved. In my own nuclear family, we seldom went to church. I can only remember going a handful of times. My father was, and still is, a raging alcoholic. In fact, I can’t even remember ever seeing him sober. But I’m sure he had his sober moments because those moments lead to our short visits to church. His sobriety never lasted long, therefore our church attendance wasn’t consistent. It didn’t take long to realize that my father didn’t take his faith seriously. So I kind of grew up thinking that religion was a joke. For the record, I did believe in God and Jesus Christ, but my faith was not whole-hearted. I never attempted to develop my faith and let it grow. And I’m sure this next bit of information has something to do with it, as well.
• When I was a child, I experienced a bit of a traumatic event. Because I was so young, and I wasn’t able to comprehend or process what had happened to me, I swept it under the carpet. And I tried to make myself forget about it. But when I was about 15, one small argument with my mom led to the explosion of that emotional powder keg. And I had a postponed reaction to that event, and used it as an excuse to do things that are inexcusable. A couple of months into my rebellious phase, I realized how much resentment I had towards the person responsible for that event, and others whom I thought had “done me wrong.” I realized I wanted to move on from all of that; I wanted to forgive those people, but even more so, I wanted to forgive myself for all the things I did in response to that event. From that point up until last year, I prayed constantly. I was always asking God for the ability to move on, the ability to forgive those, and the ability to forgive myself. I honestly never felt like anyone was listening to me, and I definitely didn’t feel like I was getting the answers to those prayers. Last fall, I felt like I had buried myself in a whole of regret and resentment. It was certainly my lowest point. I prayed again, but I wasn’t just praying for those three things I had always asked for. All of a sudden, I found myself praying for help, for guidance. I wanted to know how I could better live my life according to His will. I found myself having the desire to know Him better, and to attempt to develop that half-hearted faith.
• Recently, as I was reading in Alma 32, I realized that that desire made all the difference. By having that desire, I gave “place for a portion of [His] words;” meaning that I created room for a “seed [to] be planted in [my] heart (Alma 32:27-28).” And because I had “neglected the tree” over the years, because I had failed to nourish it, I could not “pluck of the fruit of the tree of life (Alma 32: 38-40).” That is, until I began to have that desire. I was finally humbling myself enough to want to find the truth in religion. I didn’t want to think that it was a joke anymore. And because of all of that, the Lord answered my prayers. I am convinced that He knew that my heart was willing to do what I needed to do, but my mind was not. He knew I wasn’t going to take myself to church. So He brought it to me.
• A short time after that prayer, a pair of Elders knocked on my door and asked if I was willing to hear a message about Jesus Christ. My mind said no, but I had the strongest feeling that I should say yes. So I invited them in, and, if I remember correctly, they taught me about the Restoration. I remember thinking how absurd it all sounded. But when they asked if they could come teach me again, I said yes. A few weeks later, they passed me off to the YSA sisters. The day I met them, they asked me if I would commit to being baptized, and I remember thinking, “Whoa! Slow your roll! I only just met you!” But I know that it was part of God’s plan to have them teach me, because they turned out to be some of my best friends.
• It was almost a month before I actually went to a sacrament meeting. And I honestly think it was my pride that got in the way. My mind was not willing to accept it yet. I’m the type of person that needs some kind of sign. I wasn’t asking for one, because I was still unsure if I really wanted one. I was still unsure I was really willing to commit to changing my ways.
• The ward invited me to go with them to the Gilbert, Arizona temple open house. The day before we left, the sisters had asked me to pray about something personal while inside the temple. On the drive over there, I was thinking a lot about whether I should get baptized. And they had asked me every time they taught me, but I’m a quitter by nature. So I never wanted to commit to it because I was honestly afraid that I would do it, and just walk away. On the way to Gilbert, I realized that there wasn’t any real reason to keep me from getting baptized. I knew that this felt different. This didn’t feel like something I was going to walk away from. There were still things that I didn’t understand about the Church, but I also knew that I had never felt the Spirit as strong as I had since I met the Elders.
• So I sent them a text message simply stating, “I think I’m ready.” And I didn’t specify, but they knew exactly what I was talking about. We were able to go through the open house twice. The first time, I completely forget to say that prayer because I was just so awestruck by how beautiful the building was.
• But the second time, I got to say that prayer in a stairwell, on the way to the Celestial room. And it was the same prayer I’ve made many times throughout the years. I finished it just as we were walking into the Celestial room. And I finally felt like I was free from the emotional burden from that traumatic event. I finally felt from the hurt, free from regret, free from the anger I had felt. It was all gone. I finally understood the Atonement. I finally understood the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me, the sacrifice He made for all of us. And once I knew that, I realized I didn’t need to have all the answers, but I knew in my heart that the Church was true, that the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ had been restored. And I knew I wanted to be a member of the church that built the temple where I finally received my answer. I knew I wanted to be a member of the Church that helped to free me from my past.
• I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. He loves us so much, He gave up His only Son to suffer for our sins, our pains, our transgressions, our afflictions.  He loves us so much, He restored His Church through Joseph Smith, and because of that, we have access to the power of the priesthood, we are able to do things just as Jesus Christ and his Apostles did them. And we are able to receive modern day revelation from living prophets. I love this Church. I don’t know where I’d be right now without it; but now that it’s a part of my life, I don’t want to ever live without it. It means so much to me, and I’m so grateful that I was led to it, or that it was brought to me.
• And I say these things in the name of our Beloved Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Amen

Anyway, I had to continue to sit at the stand for the remainder of stake conference. I really had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't get up and leave. That kind of sucked. But, the next couple of speakers: the Stake Relief Society President (or was it counselor), the California -  San Fernando Mission President's wife, then the mission president himself, the Stake Patriarch, and the Stake President; gave such incredible talks. I learned so much from them. 

And by the time we got to the closing prayer, I could barely hold it anymore. But the man who gave the closing prayer gave such a long one, I wanted to leave before it was over. Haha. 

And a lot of people came up to talk to me, and they told me they were grateful to have heard my testimony, that they learned from me. A few people told me that they had a few of their own prayers answered in my story. I find it so amazing that I didn't really plan on teaching anything with my talk. It was almost entirely just about my life. But people learned from it anyway. You never know what kind of influence you have on people. 

Which reminds me, you should totally watch the new Mormon Message "You Never Know." It is so good! I definitely shed a few tears. 

I don't know why I bother posting this stuff because I think I only have one or two readers, if any at all. But I feel the need to share. And while I may not see the results of any of this right now, I hope that, in the long run, it helps someone out in whatever way it can.